ABC’s Roseanne spinoff The Conners will lurch forward without its Twitter-happy star, and John Goodman, who plays Dan, says the plan is to kill her off. He sounds pretty broken up about it:
When talking about the new iteration of the series and his character Dan, the drywall contractor and Roseanne’s husband in the original series and revival, told the publication, “It’s an unknown. I guess he’ll be mopey and sad because his wife’s dead.”
So how is Roseanne gonna kick the bucket? Let’s brainstorm.
1. Heart attack, for continuity.
2. First recorded Juul fatality.
3. Terrible mind-control mishap.
4. Roseanne volunteers to head to the border to help build The Wall, is fatally clocked by a piece of rebar.
5. Roseanne volunteers to head to the border to help build The Wall, trips, falls in a ditch, dies.
6. Roseanne volunteers to head to the border to help build The Wall, trips, falls in a ditch. A Mexican man sees her tumble, and calls an ambulance to take her to the closest hospital. Unfortunately, her health insurance will not cover the many complications brought about by her injuries. She dies.
7. Chokes on reheated chicken tender.
ABC, which promptly canned Barr after she made a racist tweet about former Obama advisor Valerie Jarrett, has said only that Roseanne will be disappeared following “a sudden turn of events.” Bye!