Robot Dogs Are Coming to the U.S., But All I Want Is This Evil Robot Wolf

You might remember, in the late 90s slash early 2000s, when everyone was trying to make robot dogs happen. Starting in 1999, Sony began releasing their robot dog the “Aibo,” with new models coming out until 2006, when the robot dog market was flooded with cheap copycat toys like “Poo-Chi” and “Tekno.” The robot dog trend fizzled out in America, but kept going strong in Japan, where dead robot dogs actually get funerals.

But now the Aibo is being relaunched by Sony in both Japan and the U.S. with a new model that costs a whopping $2,899. Select All reports that the new Aibo is basically a smart dog by being hooked up to the internet. So instead of simply looking cute and wagging its tail, the new Aibo dog can learn the layout of your home and recognize faces. It looks cute and completely useless.

The truth is, I don’t want an Aibo, or a robot dog period. What my heart truly desires is this Japanese robot wolf which farmers use to scare off animals from eating crops.

His official name is “Super Monster Wolf,” and I love this little guy’s shrill, scratchy scream, his glowing red eyes, and lustrous beard. I’ve thought about him so often that I even made his face my Slack icon at work:

What good is a cute, stainless steel robot dog when you can have a sun-powered, shrieking robot wolf to guard you at your cubicle when annoying coworkers come by to ask you for something? Japan should really start selling the “Super Monster Wolf” for international customers.