Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Stood Near Each Other and Looked Nauseous, Proving that True Love Isn't a Lie After All

Oh my god, who gives a shooooooot. Apparently Stew-Meat and the Patt-work Boy of Oz (I’m BORED, okay!?) are “set to put on a united front” during the press blitz for Twilight 7: Legend of Curly’s Farts. What that means, exactly, remains unclear. According to a source:

“He’s keeping Kristen in the friend zone for the time being until he decides if he should take her back,” a source said.

“Rob and Kristen are simply making sure that the promotional tour for the final Twilight movie goes as smoothly as possible.

“They don’t want their personal lives interfering with work and by appearing like they have kissed and made up it will seem that all is fine between the pair.

More details as I develop a wasting disease from such powerfully concentrated boredom. [ShowbizSpy]

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Uhhhh…so, Slash from Guns ‘N’ Roses has leapt fiercely to Lindsay Lohan‘s defense, explaining that it wasn’t LiLo behind the wheel of her careening death-Porsche, it was his very very big hat. Or something dumb like that.

Slash says … “The situation last night w/Lindsey was a lame paparazzi stunt. She didn’t do anything. it’s being blown out of proportion.”

Couple of problems with Slash’s tweet — first, he wasn’t with Lindsay at the time of the alleged incident and wouldn’t be in a position to confirm or deny the collision.

Second, there were no paparazzi around at the time of the alleged incident … so it’s hard to believe the whole thing was a paparazzi stunt.

Oh, okay then. Investigate no more, police! Slash is on it. Please direct further inquiries to Leather Top Hat with a Belt on It for No Reason, Apartment A, The Snakepit, Los Angeles, 90041. Thx. [TMZ]

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Shakira is pregnant! With a baby!!! Not, like, pregnant with meaning. Although she might be that too. Anyway, whatever.

The Latina songstress, 35, took to her Facebook page today to announce the impending bundle of joy with Spanish soccer player Gerard Piqué, writing, “As some of you may know, Gerard and I are very happy awaiting the arrival of our first baby!”

…”We have decided to give priority to this unique moment in our lives and postpone all the promotional activities planned over the next few days,” Shakira continues. “This means I will not be able to be a part of the iHeartRadio Music Festival, but I’m sure this weekend in Las Vegas will be spectacular!”

I’M SURE IT WILL TOO, SHAKIRA!!! Heartfelt congratulations all around. [E!]

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• Apparently, Matthew Perry “might” be “back.” Good to know. In other news, I saw Matthew Perry on the street one time and he was DAZZLINGLY HANDSOME. Celebrities are so weird like that. [ContactMusic]
• Ben Vereen is getting divorced. In other news, can someone PLEASE follow Ben Vereen back to Lucifer’s garden of eternal youth or wherever it is he dwells? Dude has been 36 for 105 years. [TMZ]
• Physical Challenge! Try to make yourself care about Cobie Smulders‘s wedding ring. [E!]
• Blake Lively‘s diamond engagement ring from Ryan Reynolds is bigger than the one he gave Scarlett Johansson, which means that Blake is a better person and deserves to get into celebrity heaven 4 sure (it’s like our heaven but with more free Pop Chips). [Us]
• Jay-Z has a “special rapport” with President Obama and therefore I died. [Express]
• This Australian lady would like to make it clear that she’s not underweight, just regular-weight. [News.au]
• Here are some pictures of Gerard Butler apparently “partying Gangnam Style with Psy.” As far as I can tell, “partying Gangnam Style with Psy” is newsie slang for looking grumpy on a bike. [JustJared]
• “Fifty Shades of Grey Inspires a Naughty Chicken Cookbook.” Fifty Shades of Chicken. It’s called Fifty Shades of Chicken. Are you happy now? [People]
• Katie Couric wore a big gray wig to celebrate National Big Gray Wig Day. [E!]
• Here’s Oliver Stone being all “OM NOM NOM NOM GROM GROM GROMPH OMPH GROMPH GROMPH OMPH PHROMPH MPH MPHHHH MMMFFFFFFPH” on Salma Hayek‘s boobs while she’s just, “Doodly-doo!” like a fucking queen. [Radar]