Rihanna threw her first annual Diamond Ball Thursday night, a gala of all galas meant to benefit her Clara Lionel Foundation. Clara Lionel is Rihanna's longtime charity, named after her grandparents, and it's not a foundation for "weed and the legalization of good times," as posited by my colleague Kate Dries, but for "improving the quality of life for communities globally in the areas of health, education, arts, and culture." You guys got it all wrong: Rihanna is a humanitarian who likes to party, not a partier who likes to humanitarian. She has a good heart that likes to get crunk now and again!

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So many beauties on the red carpet. Monyetta Shaw, ex of Ne-Yo, kept it simple in a crimson lace gown that could have gone South to the Boudoir but, on her, was elegant and super-feminine. Keeping up with the trend of pants as formal womenswear, Ellen Pompeo bared just a bit with her keyhole neckline but covered all the way up everywhere else. (I am loving the super-long hem that covers almost her entire foot—PROPRIETY!—and pointy pumps peeking out from the end.) Salma Hayek looked like a princess in belted satin, the contrasting red-and-fuschia pattern doing wonders for her complexion. Finally, the host wore marsala, a color of the year that initially made me wonder if the folks at Pantone were inhaling their own supply, so to speak, but actually makes so much sense here, a more regal, winier shade of red that is, in fact, a complimentary shade to this year's cool-girl lip color, and/or Clinique's cultish Black Honey. (As an aside: the only time I will recommend anything by Marc Jacobs is right this moment: his beauty line is pricy but very high-quality, and I swear by the Kiss Pop Lipstick in "Smack," which is like Bloody Marsala as filtered through '90s Winona Ryder.)

Also in the wine family, but not faring quite as well: Kat Graham, who had the right idea but was waylaid by the nylon arm warmers she threw on before she left the house. Kim Kardashian definitely left the house thinking this look was extremely avant-garde and risky to don a floor-length trench as integral part of the outfit, but I'm getting more "auditioning for a vampire production of Cabaret." Additionally: I hate that makeup. Strong eye and no-makeup makeup is chill, but the shade is a milky, frosted froth that looks like her lips are fusing back into her face. (Or, alternately, that her contouring has finally migrated downwards and completely subsumed them.) Mom Kris Jenner had a tough go of it, too. that lacy camisole and formal, double-breasted jacket are too dissonant (we're assuming she wasn't trying to be dissonant). I want to like Tia Mowry's look because the hair and makeup are impeccable, but I am worried that her shoulder poof is going to eat her face before she makes it to the end of the gala. Slightly overwhelming!

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Ugh, god. The patterns on both Nikki Reed and Adrienne Bailon read to me as a microscopic look at two deadly viruses. Adrienne Bailon's dress is H1N1. Nikki Reed is anthrax.

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This is notable because it is, perhaps, the first time in history Fabolous has not worn 1000 chains.

Rihanna's BFFs Melissa Forde and Jenn Rosales looked lovely, too, and not turnt at all.

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Important moments in best friendship.

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Because Rihanna is the best, she purposely conducted an orchestra in a totally absurdist manner (while wearing a different Zac Posen gown). She also made the orchestra do a rendition of "Pour It Up."

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Because Rihanna is the greatest and most fun person on the planet, these were the party favors. Riri, honestly, where was our invite, girl? Even Brad Pitt got to attend! Very hurt by this!

Image via Getty