Rihanna Suffers Minor E-Scooter Injury, E-Scooters Canceled

Illustration for article titled Rihanna Suffers Minor E-Scooter Injury, E-Scooters Canceled
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris (Getty Images)

As the self-appointed Secretary of Irrational Cancelations and Needlessly High-Stakes Witch Huntery, I hereby declare that electric scooters are canceled! Do NOT talk to e-scooters, do NOT follow e-scooters on Twitter, and not to kink-shame!! but do NOT have sex with e-scooters in case that’s something that you do (valid…until now).-

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Why the mass cancelation of all things that scoot electronically? Well, Rihanna got in a minor e-scooter accident, Bossip reports, and I am conVINCED it was intentional scooteral sabotage committed by said vehiclette.

The matter was uncovered this weekend after paparazzi snapped photos of the singer parked outside a Santa Monica restaurant waiting for curbside service while sporting a black eye and facial swelling. “Rihanna is completely fine now but slipped over on an electric scooter last week and bruised her forehead and face,” a rep explained to People on Saturday. “We’re told it looks worse than it is and she’s healing,” the same rep later told TMZ.

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Glad she’s OK! E-scooters, however……prepare to NOT be. OK, that is. A mighty threat from me, Mrs. Retributive Justice But Only Against Inanimate Objects.


Twitter fiiiiiiiiiight!!!!!!

Jon Cryer, who played Duckie in Pretty in Pink and one of the men I’m assuming on Two and a Half Men, served up some boeuf twittère on Saturday after urging Florida voters to vote Republican Rep. Matt Gaetz out of office this November.

“Matt Gaetz invited a white supremacist to the State of the Union, attempted to intimidate a federal witness, and endorsed a sociopathic bigot who applauded the deaths of migrants for Congress,” the actor tweeted. “I just donated to his [Democratic] opponent, Phil Ehr.”

Gaetz, a noted son haver who has represented the Sunshine State’s 1st District since 2017, shot back: “Charlie Sheen totally carried Two and a Half Men.”

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Is that why, after he left, it lasted for four more years and I won an Emmy for Best Actor in a Comedy?” Cryer responded.

This fight was adequate!

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Learning how to adjust your behavior to be a little more trans-competent and inclusive isn’t that fucking hard, says Jane Fonda.

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According to a New York Times profile from last week, the 82-year-old actress is now in the habit of politely asking new acquaintances which pronouns she should use for them.

“I’ve been working with really young people,” she told Times columnist Maureen Dowd. “When you meet them, they give the pronouns that they go by. I’m going on 83. Do I really have to say what pronouns I go by, you know? The answer is yes, and there’s a learning curve.”

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  • A memorial for Chadwick Boseman was held in Malibu on Saturday. Many of the late actor’s Black Panther co-stars—including Michael B. Jordan, Lupita Nyong’o, and Winston Dukewere among those who paid their respects. [Us Weekly]
  • Most of the Village People hate that Donald Trump supporters have been singing a “YMCA” parody that reworks the cruising anthem into a salute to the President and his white supremacist slogan, “MAGA.” Unfortunately, the one member who actually owns the copyright to the song and could put a stop to it isn’t that mad about it. [TMZ]
  • Someone caught fire at a “socially distanced Shabbat dinner” in the Hamptons this weekend, but luckily Cuba Gooding Jr. was there to put him out. [Page Six]
  • Literal hours after tweeting about the importance of having a diverse friend group, Walking Dead actor Daniel Newman shared a vacation photo of him surrounded by like 20 other equally ripped guys who also appear to be white. Poster’s disease is no joke! [Pink News]
  • André 3000 flute spotting? André 3000 flute spotting.

Freelance journalist (GQ, Esquire, Out, elsewhere), here on weekends

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GELLA - LLAP

John Cryer is gold.