Rick Perry Dickishly Urges the Boy Scouts Not to Reverse Ban on Gay Members

Texas Governor Rick Perry, erstwhile presidential candidate, amateur cat burglar, and all-around strange claymation of humanity, urged the Boy Scouts of America on Saturday to reconsider its decision to change its strict “no homo, bro” policy.

Rick Perry is sort of a Boy Scout expert, NO BIG DEAL. Not only did he manage to become an Eagle Scout, but the famously inarticulate Texan also managed to write a book in 2008 called On My Honor: Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts Are Worth Fighting For, which I assume is about a man named Dick Berry who travels back to 1956, when the Boy Scouts were preparing to defend the American woodlands from the Red Menace. It was a simpler, less tolerant time. But now that the Boy Scouts are threatening to leapfrog into the 21st century, Rick Perry feels that it is his solemn Scout’s duty to remind the audience at the Texas Scouts’ 64th annual Report to State that they shouldn’t cater to the whimsy of “popular culture” and tolerate openly gay members in their ranks.

After the address, Perry told reporters that he saw no reason why the Scouts should change their policy on sexual orientation now, since “to have popular culture impact 100 years of their standards is inappropriate.” Ah, yes, the insidious silk hand of popular culture is destroying old-timey American values. And all for nothing, because, Perry added, “I think you get tolerance and diversity every day in Scouting.” Except when it comes to tolerating people of a different sexual orientation than your own. No bother — it doesn’t seem like the Scouts are going to reverse their decision because of Perry, who, like all conservatives hoping America can just ignore decades of social progress, sounds increasingly like just an old man shouting into a headwind.