Real Housewives: Puffy Vulvas, Proud Moms

Last night, Teresa and Danielle proved that they’re much more alike than they’d admit when it comes to being stage moms for their daughters’ modeling careers. Also, thanks to her description, we’ve got a visual of Teresa’s pregnant vagina.

Although this is Teresa’s fourth child, she says that she’s nervous about giving birth, and still uncomfortable with “another guy” (her doctor) looking “down there.” And then we got to hear about her “puffy chucky.” A “chucky” is a vagina/vulva, which apparently gets “all swollen and nasty and one lip is bigger than the other and all gross” right before childbirth.

Meanwhile, Danielle’s daughter is finding legitimate success as a model, having signed with IMG and landing a cover shot by Gilles Bensimon (whom nobody mentioned was once married to Kelly from Real Housewives of New York City). Danielle took the stage mom thing to uncomfortable levels.

Teresa is also trying to break her daughter into the modeling business, but with less luck. Danielle had a few words about that, claiming that the 9-year-old is “not a supermodel” because “she’s four foot tall.”

The strangest—and, frankly, most pathetic—even on last night’s episode was the “celebratory luncheon” Danielle threw in honor of her daughter’s magazine cover… and her daughter was not invited. Danielle invited two of the other housewives, and when they told her they would not attend, she ceremoniously left two empty seats for them, so that she could discuss it with the rest of the women at the party, saying, “I’m not passive and I’m not aggressive,” when it’s clear, from this example anyway, that she’s both.