Real Housewives Of O.C. Reunion: Plastic Surgery, God, And Slade Smiley

On the two-part reunion show, Alexis told us that what God thinks of the Housewives, Lynne told us she plans on writing off her facelift as a business expense, and for the first time, the husbands/boyfriends were invited on stage.

The fact that Gretchen is the third “housewife” that Slade Smiley has dated—in what comes off (very strongly) as his desperate attempt to keep himself on television—creeps just about everyone out. Gretchen and Slade both act shocked and confused that anyone would question their union, even though they apparently hooked up practically before Gretchen’s late finacé’s body was cold. Slade doesn’t seem to have a job and doesn’t pay child support, leading the other housewives to question his intentions with Gretchen, and whether or not she’s currently bankrolling his life. We sort of got a roundabout confirmation of that when Gretchen revealed that she recently purchased a song catalog, which just so happens to consist of Slade’s ex-girlfriend and former “housewife” Jo De La Rosa’s music. (According to Gretchen, this would be the first time Jo would be learning about this.) As Vicki said, Slade’s fingerprints are all over this one. The producer who sold Gretchen the catalog is a good friend of Slade’s and also produced Gretchen’s single (which she wrote about her dead fiancé). It would make sense that since Slade had been managing Jo’s career, that he made a chunk of change off of the sale.

Slade doesn’t understand why people think he’s an opportunist and a media whore. Also, his timeline of when he began dating Gretchen just doesn’t add up. In this clip, Slade also says that he no longer speaks to his ex Jo (the two of whom stared in their own ill-fated reality show on Bravo called Date My Ex), but claims that Gretchen insisted on calling Jo and asking for permission before even ever going on a date with Slade. (The two women were friends, making that a huge violation of girl code.) Anyway, according an interview with Jo, that’s not how it went down at all.

She called me because I found out from her ex-boyfriend Jay that Slade and Gretchen were hooking up. So the whole reason she called me was because it was already out. She actually called me when Slade was in jail and she was asking for help. I was just like, ‘How can you call me and ask me for help when I just found out that you are sleeping with Slade?’ Gretchen, to me, is…just dumb.

Basically, he’s every bit of the slimeball Vicki implies that he is, and I kind of felt bad for her that she was being drowned out by the God Squad (Alexis and Jim), while she was trying to explain why she doesn’t like Slade.

Speaking of God…Andy asked Alexis what He thinks about the show and plastic surgery. The best answer she could come up with is, “He doesn’t want you to be unhappy.” So basically, in answer to the ever-present question “What would Jesus do?” we can surmise that he and his father (God, that is) would create people to be aesthetically imperfect, throw in an inevitable aging process, so that his believers would have to spend money fixing such designs instead of paying rent or saving something for their children’s college education. Glad that’s cleared up.

But who needs to worry about the money spent on such facial maintenance, when it can just be written off as a business expense?