Real Housewives: Kelly's Bad Trip

On last night’s episode, we watched Kelly Bensimon spiral into what could only be described as paranoid psychosis, with apparent delusions—vampires, murderers, etc.—and severe thought disorder, and no amount of Pinot Grigio could make it go away.

Things started off with Kelly returning to the Chef vs. Cook debate over Bethenny’s true occupation. Getting sucked into her word-salad, I actually looked up the definition of “chef” and it says “any cook.” Then there was a mention of “satchels of gold.” Then she proposed that they start a Burn Book of sorts, by writing down complaints about each other.

Later, Bethenny left Skinnygirl tote bags with the women’s initials on it at their bedroom doors. Yes, it wasn’t an altruistic gesture (it basically served as a commercial for her brand) but it also wasn’t at all a malicious one. Still, it made Kelly cry, and prompted her to make a phone call to Jill Zarin, saying that she feared she would be murdered by Bethenny, and mentioned something about her fake breasts. (Kelly, too, has fake breasts.) Jill, who actually likes Kelly, admitted that the lady was making absolutely no sense.

After a weird, somewhat scary, photo shoot on the beach, the women sat down for Bethenny’s home-cooked meal. And that’s when Kelly’s rapid cycling intensified. She wouldn’t let anyone speak, she seemed angry about things, alternated between crying, laughing and yelling, reiterated her fear of being murdered by Bethenny, believed Alex to be a vampire, confused Jack Nicholson with Al Sharpton (whom she confused with Don King), dissed the meal, and requested a sharper knife. And they gave it to her!

I have to say that I’m really warming up to Sonja, who, in her own way, was trying to “make lemonade out of lemons” and said about Kelly, “You know what? She’s eccentric. We should get into this. She sees things differently.” But then even Sonja became disturbed by Kelly’s behavior, and the women all finally realized that there was actually something completely and seriously wrong with Kelly, and that they should disengage immediately. (Bethenny says some interesting things about the evening on her blog at Bravo, including that she called Jill that night, out of concern for Kelly’s mental health.)

And while Ramona wasn’t saying much—because really, only Kelly was allowed to do any talking—I felt like her body language sort of encapsulated everything that was going on around her.

My favorite though, is while she’s watching this spectacle, how naturally she grasps the wine glass she’s offered, without even having to look. Additionally, the events of the dinner party suddenly put Ramona’s wide eyes into a perfect context.