Reader Roundup: WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE TEMPERATURE OF OUR FEMINISM IS DECIDEDLY LUKEWARM!!!

Ladies, sit down and take notes. You’re about to get schooled by the best comment of the day.

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to What I Wear Is None of Your Business:

I’d like to award the Feminist Nipple Tassel of the Year Award to the commenters who expressed concern that perhaps her shorts were too short, that she ought to wear capris, that the customer’s behavior was acceptable because it took place in the workplace and apparently buying a product comes with complimentary body-shaming privileges that we in the “real world” understand and condone.

There’s about as much revolution in this thread as a twin set, and we have you to thank for it!

Just a few thoughts, for next time, so that we can dismiss women’s experiences more effectively:

+ Dressing “appropriately” has nothing to do with racism, sexism, or sexuality. It’s about looking “professional”. Things which do not look professional: your legs, boobs, Afro, scars, emotions, homosexuality, etc. Again, this has nothing to do with sexism or anything comparably insidious – these are modern workplace standards that exist in a perfect vaccuum of political neutrality that requires no critique or interrogation.

+ On that note, we highly doubt you were, in fact, dressed appropriately for today’s bustling modern workplace. You said your legs were long, did you not? You admitted that most shorts look quite short on you, did you not? Nevermind the customer for now, this situation seems to warrant a closer analysis on whether you complied with Section B-3.17, “With arms at sides, shorts passed tips of thumbs” – and if so, whether this protocol perhaps requires revision, because you sure do sound a little whorish.

+ Having your clothes openly critiqued by a customer in a sexualized manner is okay. I mean, it’s not polite, but it’s certainly within that customer’s rights, because we support the commodification of women’s bodies in the capitalist system. We call that “the real world” and while we vaguely imply that it isn’t an ideal one, we believe that anyone who exists in it ought to accept it’s rules. Yay us!

+ Your uncovered skin makes our ice cream experience less appetizing, so this supposedly “humiliating” experience you’re describing in unjustified. Given your position as groveling servant to our pocket change, we would prefer that you covered that shit up, because your skin is the same color as that tub of Maple Walnut and that’s completely fucking unacceptable. You really shouldn’t dare to question me when I’m paying three dollars for your subservience.

+ Wanting to be comfortable at work is for the spoiled. Self-care for your body is selfish. The workplace is shitty because it’s work, not because of any capitalist, patriarchal, racist systems that designed it as such. Besides, we don’t get to be comfortable at work, so why should you? We like our workplace standards to be a race to the bottom, in which anyone who suffers less than us needs to be knocked down a peg or two. That’s how we do solidarity!

+ Even if the customer’s comment was out of line – which we are far from conceding – you probably shouldn’t have written about this, because this stuff you’re outraged about is so common and unsurprising that we’d prefer you saved your word count for issues we consider more important to you.

Now, it goes without saying that everyone was on top of their game in this thread, but does that mean we should just rest on our proverbial laurels? A resounding no! WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE TEMPERATURE OF OUR FEMINISM IS DECIDEDLY LUKEWARM!!!

At next week’s meeting, we discuss that new couple who moved in down the street. How will their unscrupulous lawn maintenance affect our property values, and what can we do about it? Please bring knowledge of local ordinances, pitchforks, wishwashy yuppie politics.

Don’t forget: Writing COTD after a comment is discouraged. If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at [email protected].