Reader Roundup: Founding Fathers Should Have Used Spell Check

Today’s best comments wrote the book on awesome.

• Best Comment Of The Day in response to History Textbooks Even More Wrong Than We Thought:

We the Purple of the Unites Tastes, in ardor to Firm a Moore Pure Fucked Onion, is tablish Just Tees, answer Dumbass trick Quality, provide four the Come On Defriends, Pro Moat the Jen Real will far…

• Best Comment Of The Day in response to Scientists Bust Spermy Celebrity Health Myths:

So eating a tablespoon of semen is like that Willy Wonka gum that contains a three-course meal?

• Best Comment Of The Day, also in response to Scientists Bust Spermy Celebrity Health Myths:

You mean the guy who locks himself in cages with other super angry emotionally unstable guys so they can brawl until their spleens bleed is making dubious health claims?

• Best Comment Of The Day in response to George Clooney To Sudan: “We’re Watching”:

Clooney may be the front for that project, but we all know what’s really going on: Rusty’s doing recon in Naimiba; Linus is getting insider information by pickpocketing people crossing the border; Livingston is tapping into the satellite images and only publishing select information online; Basher is digging an underground tunnel under the border; Virgil and Turk distract the Sudanese government while Yen, Reuben, and Saul win all of the government’s money at a poker game run by Frank.

• Best Comment Of The Day in response to American Woman Hater Possibly The Worst Person We’ve Encountered:

Allow me to translate (parentheses):

“I am 31-years-old and grew up in Maryland, USA (my parents are detached, right wingers from the boonies who never showed me much affection so I won’t even tell you my hometown. You’ve never heard of it and it and everyone in it sucks. they never recognized I’m special!). My birthday is on Flag Day, a national holiday (being born on a national holiday – I’m special). After I graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in microbiology, I began a career as an industrial microbiologist (Microbiology is so much better than regular biology. I’m so smart – and special!). A couple years later I started a local blog called DC Bachelor (even though I probably still live at least an hour outside DC in Maryland – possibly with my uncaring parents who never paid enough attention to me), and lived in constant paranoia that my employer would bust me for the sexist content (I think I’m special, although it turns out my employer didn’t give a shit about me.). Eventually I changed the name to Roosh V because I no longer cared about getting fired (please won’t someone notice I’m special!?!?!?!). Six years into my career, and a little over two years after I started DC Bachelor, I quit my job (they wouldn’t admit I was special!) and finished my first book called Bang, a textbook (it’s not self-help/bullshit – it’s a textbook! That’s different!) for picking up girls and getting laid (I get laid, like, all the freaking time. I’m basically a babe magnet. I’m hot and awesome and very, very special). Afterwards I spent six rough months in South America (dude, bro, I had to, like, share rooms in hostels. Did you know they made you share a room? It was way rough but I’m awesome and stuck it out, man.), which I detailed in my second book called A Dead Bat In Paraguay (my poorly written travel book is sooooo different than all the others you’ve heard of – it has dead bats! So different!). I rested (masturbated) in the States for a year then went back to South America for thirteen months. I then finished my third book called Bang Colombia, about how to get laid in Colombia (remember how much I get laid? Yeah, I’m much more awesome than anyone).”

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