Queen Elizabeth Reveals SHOCKING Yearslong Affair With the Grinch

Illustration for article titled Queen Elizabeth Reveals SHOCKING Yearslong Affair With the Grinch
Screenshot: Twitter

Whoa. Queen Elizabeth just revealed that she had an affair with the Grinch.

The noted queen of U.K. made the announcement in her annual Christmas broadcast, released on Friday. The broadcast, which Town & Country reports was filmed ahead of time in the Green Drawing Room at Windsor Castle, is usually filled with warm wishes for the holidays meant to uplift people. This year, it was filled with her saying “I had sex with the Grinch.”

“It was so crazy,” Queen Elizabeth says in the clip. “I was married, but then I saw the Grinch at Tesco and was like, ‘Wow.’”

The news is shocking because the Queen, who I’ve heard of, has been married to Prince Philip since 1947. (They have four kids together: Charles, etc.) It is also a big deal because it concerns the Grinch, who had previously not been confirmed to fuck.

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“I’ve already told Philip,” Queen Elizabeth continues. “He was upset, but I told him, ‘This is me, baby. This is me.’

As she explains at the end of the video, the Queen came forward about the affair in the hopes of inspiring her people to pursue their dreams.

“I never thought I’d have sex with the Grinch,” she says, “but look at me now.”

It happened. Watch below.

Freelance journalist (GQ, Esquire, Out, elsewhere), here on weekends

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DISCUSSION

tonightimlivinginafantasy
tonight, living in a fantasy

Get some of that furry green dick Queenie!

I have abstained for a few months now, and then I made a bunch of eggnog! With rum! And baileys! And now I’m lit!

I hope everyone is having a good day and noshing on snacks that aren’t good for them and watching their favorite holiday movies and getting in touch with friends and family. I have done the bare minimum this holiday to make it ‘holiday-esque’ and for that I am grateful. My mom always made xmas into a huge deal and drove us all crazy. Our house is a mess, but we have a tree up and hell the dog is happy, so whatever, we done good. Sending love out to everyone in the jez community. I know some of y’all are alone this year, but know that you are loved and I’m glad to be a part of this.

I get super emo when I’m drinking. xoxoxo