Put On Your Gardening Gloves Because It's Time to Dig in to This Tucker Carlson Manure 

Because Twitter is the place where grown-ups go to fight like middle-schoolers, we are once again privy to men engaging in a fight that could have just been a bunch of mean notes stuffed into a locker. The players in this drama are recovering bowtie enthusiast Tucker Carlson and professional lawyer stereotype Michael Avenatti.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

On Saturday, Avenatti posted a video to Twitter, alleging that he plans to investigate Carlson for the assault of a “gay Latino immigrant.”

The video itself is a lot of confusion, as Politico notes:

“Guys. Guys, get the f—- out of here,” Carlson, who is seen standing near the bar, can be heard saying. An individual in the video can be seen grabbing a man by the collar. That’s when another person intercedes: “Hey. Hey! … There’s no excuse for violence.” Another person interjects, asking: “Did you see what he did?”

The footage was taken during an October 13 dinner at The Farmington Country Club in Charlottesville, Virginia, where Carlson was joined by his two children. (Shocker: The place looks like a plantation and was designed by Thomas Jefferson.)

Avenatti claims to be representing the as-yet-unidentified man grabbed by the collar in the video, who may have been assaulted by Carlson and son.

Carlson tells a different tale, though he does admit that his son confronted and poured wine on the man. He released a statement via Fox News detailing his version of events:

“Toward the end of the meal, my 19-year-old daughter went to the bathroom with a friend,” Carlson said in the statement. “On their way back through the bar, a middle aged man stopped my daughter and asked if she was sitting with Tucker Carlson. My daughter had never seen the man before. She answered: ‘That’s my dad,’ and pointed to me. The man responded, ‘Are you Tucker’s whore?’ He then called her a ‘fucking cunt.’”

Carlson continued: “My daughter returned to the table in tears. She soon left the table and the club. My son, who is also a student, went into the bar to confront the man. I followed. My son asked the man if he’d called his sister a ‘whore’ and a ‘cunt.’ The man admitted he had, and again become profane. My son threw a glass of red wine in the man’s face and told him to leave the bar, which he soon did.”

Carlson claims the club revoked the man’s membership in the wake of the incident. Meanwhile, Avenatti is looking for additional witnesses.

Carlson and Avenatti have a history: Carlson once called Avenatti a “creepy porn lawyer” to which Avenatti asked “Tucker, how do you have a show and you’re this ignorant? How is that possible?”

It’s been a long news cycle, you two. Everybody’s tied and cranky, and you kids have been playing together too much. It might be time to just take a break from each other for a while.

Update: Avenatti has Tweeted a statement from his client, an “active member of the Charlottesville community” who claims that Carlson threatened him and told him to “Go back where you came from.”