Screenshot: YouTube

Because Twitter is the place where grown-ups go to fight like middle-schoolers, we are once again privy to men engaging in a fight that could have just been a bunch of mean notes stuffed into a locker. The players in this drama are recovering bowtie enthusiast Tucker Carlson and professional lawyer stereotype Michael Avenatti.

Let’s dive in, shall we?

On Saturday, Avenatti posted a video to Twitter, alleging that he plans to investigate Carlson for the assault of a “gay Latino immigrant.”

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The video itself is a lot of confusion, as Politico notes:

“Guys. Guys, get the f—- out of here,” Carlson, who is seen standing near the bar, can be heard saying. An individual in the video can be seen grabbing a man by the collar. That’s when another person intercedes: “Hey. Hey! … There’s no excuse for violence.” Another person interjects, asking: “Did you see what he did?”

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The footage was taken during an October 13 dinner at The Farmington Country Club in Charlottesville, Virginia, where Carlson was joined by his two children. (Shocker: The place looks like a plantation and was designed by Thomas Jefferson.)

Avenatti claims to be representing the as-yet-unidentified man grabbed by the collar in the video, who may have been assaulted by Carlson and son.

Carlson tells a different tale, though he does admit that his son confronted and poured wine on the man. He released a statement via Fox News detailing his version of events:

“Toward the end of the meal, my 19-year-old daughter went to the bathroom with a friend,” Carlson said in the statement. “On their way back through the bar, a middle aged man stopped my daughter and asked if she was sitting with Tucker Carlson. My daughter had never seen the man before. She answered: ‘That’s my dad,’ and pointed to me. The man responded, ‘Are you Tucker’s whore?’ He then called her a ‘fucking cunt.’”

Carlson continued: “My daughter returned to the table in tears. She soon left the table and the club. My son, who is also a student, went into the bar to confront the man. I followed. My son asked the man if he’d called his sister a ‘whore’ and a ‘cunt.’ The man admitted he had, and again become profane. My son threw a glass of red wine in the man’s face and told him to leave the bar, which he soon did.”

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Carlson claims the club revoked the man’s membership in the wake of the incident. Meanwhile, Avenatti is looking for additional witnesses.

Carlson and Avenatti have a history: Carlson once called Avenatti a “creepy porn lawyer” to which Avenatti asked “Tucker, how do you have a show and you’re this ignorant? How is that possible?”

It’s been a long news cycle, you two. Everybody’s tied and cranky, and you kids have been playing together too much. It might be time to just take a break from each other for a while.

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Update: Avenatti has Tweeted a statement from his client, an “active member of the Charlottesville community” who claims that Carlson threatened him and told him to “Go back where you came from.”