Put Dolly Parton on the Cover of Playboy, Dammit

Dolly Parton turned 74 last month, and like every person obsessed with the ever-increasing passage of time, she’s already thinking ahead to 75. And what does Dolly want for her three-quarter century celebration? A Playboy cover. I say, give it to her!

E! Online reports that Parton told 60 Minutes Australia that she’d like to revisit the cover of Playboy for her 75th birthday, having graced it several decades ago. “I just turned 74. I plan to be on the cover of Playboy magazine again,” she said, when asked if she had plans to retire (she doesn’t). “See, I did Playboy magazine years ago. I thought it’d be such a hoot if they go for it, I don’t know if they will… if I could be on the cover again when I’m 75.”

She did a pretty good job in 1978:

I see no reason why Playboy shouldn’t put Parton on the cover. Jane Seymour, who is 69, posed for the magazine a couple years ago, as have other former Playboy bunnies of varying ages. On the other hand, I think Parton can do a lot better than Playboy, a magazine that keeps trying to rebrand in the “woke” Year of Our Lord 2020, but can’t seem to find its footing or readership. Perhaps that’s just what Playboy needs—a cover woman who appeals across the age, gender, and value spectrum, and who also looks exactly the same in her 70s as she did when she was 32.