Project Runway: The Final Four & The Big Blue Condom

We call Project Runway The Greatest Show On Earth, so it was fitting that last night’s episode — in which the final four were decided — began at the circus.

Just having Anthony around for sound bites again fills one’s heart with joy! The designers saw some circus acts, and the challenge was to create a high-end fashion look — with $300 and two days — inspired by the spectacular spectacular.

In the workroom, Anthony was worried because his color palette was different from everyone else’s. Emilio was all ego, declaring that his dress would be a showstopper and saying, “When she comes out on that runway, I want people to pee themselves.”

Tim Gunn seemed alarmed by Seth Aaron‘s intention to make a top hat to go with his “extravagant” ensemble. But sparks really flew when Tim visited with Emilio; Tim urged Emilio to use more color and Emilio squabbled with him about it. Later, during a model fitting, Emilio realized that the bodice of his gown did indeed need some color, and covered up the black with a vivid red and white striped pattern. The words “Tim was right” never actually came out of Emilio’s mouth, but we all know that the Eminence Grise is a wise old owl.

Honestly? The runway show was a House Of Horrors. Each outfit was more mind-boggling and eye-scorching than the next. Anthony’s might have been boring and safe, but at least it didn’t threaten to give me a seizure.

Anthony! Used! Polyester! OMG! Notice how Nina Garcia didn’t go near the big blue condom? We’re lucky Michael Kors didn’t melt like the Wicked Witch Of The West when he touched it. Poor Anthony needs more experience, more time. “Damn. Lesson learned.”

Highlights and lowlights of the runway: The judges adored Emilio’s gown. Heidi Klum called it “stunning.” Guest judge Cynthia Rowley deemed it “genius.” Michael Kors said it was his favorite garment of the season. Emilio is “going” to fashion week.

Seth Aaron should just go work on Tim Burton movies and leave the fashion industry alone. But The judges all agreed that he’s innovative, he “thinks big,” and seeing him at fashion week would be “exciting.” Seth Aaron is “going” to fashion week.

Mila’s look was perfect for a conductor on a bullet train to Crazytown. Cynthia Rowley said it “didn’t seem relevant,” but Michael Kors called it “dramatic” and “impactful.” Is no one concerned about SHINY TIGHT PINK PANTS? Christ.

Nina Garcia loved Jay’s pants, and all of the judges agreed that his outfit was beautifully made.

Anthony was kicked out. Again. So the final four are Emilio, Seth Aaron, Jay and Mila. But Mila and Jay will have to battle for one spot, because, according to the show, only three people will actually show at Bryant Park.

Of course, we know that the fashion shows at Bryant Park have already happened, and ten designers showed in the tents. You can see clothes from the collections here. They’ve painted Emilio as such a jerk that I can’t root for him, but I suspect he will win.