Pricing 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates' Haircuts

According to reports, presidential candidate and Woman Hillary Clinton tried very, very hard to make sure no one found out about her $600 haircut at New York’s John Barrett Salon. But we did and now that’s a thing we know about her.

Regardless of whether or not you approve of such a pricey style, presidential haircuts are now fair game for public discussion. So, we asked Victor Szeto, a stylist at New York’s very fancy men’s salon Martial Vivot Salon Pour Hommes, how much he thought some of the GOP’s male candidates paid for their presidential cuts. He was not forgiving.

Lindsay Graham

“I see a mom and pop haircut. Someone needs to tell him not to use gel. It’s literally like the worst comb over I’ve ever seen. Estimated value: $12.00.”

Chris Christie

“The cut left his hair poofy and curly so he looks like Bozo the clown. It needs to be clean along the sides, especially for a “big guy” to help elongate the face. This cut makes him look even fatter. It would help if he didn’t use fried chicken grease to style his hair. What was he thinking walking out of the house like that? It’s horrendous…especially for a presidential candidate. Estimated value: $30.00.”

Jeb Bush

“It doesn’t look that bad. He has the part at the right place in context of the wave. It looks very presidential. It suits his face. You can tell he has product in there giving him some shine. This is a B plus haircut. Looks like he does spend some money on his hair. Estimated value: $125.00.”

Marco Rubio

“This is a classic ‘70s comb over. Instead of trying to hide the fact that he’s receding he should cut the hair shorter and push it forward for a fuller appearance. On top of that he wears glasses so he doesn’t need to have his hair like that in the first place. He needs to use a texturizing paste on his hair to fill out the gaps. The sides are too uniform — like he went to a barbershop and they took clippers and shaved up the side. He’s the victim of a really bad haircut. Estimated value: $10.00.”

Rick Santorum

“The best I can say is that it’s decent especially in comparison to how horrible most of the other candidates’ are, and in consideration of his insanely receding hairline. Estimated value: $50.00.”

Scott Walker

“A bald spot like that is embarrassing. At that point you need to embrace the balding instead of pretend it’s not there. His hair should be as short as Obama’s – he’d be better off. It’s not that he has a bald spot that isn’t presidential – it’s what he’s doing with it. Estimated value: $20.00.”

Rand Paul

“There is absolutely nothing presidential about this haircut. It’s too curly, and needs to be tamed. The worst part is he probably paid a lot of money for it. The curls are not appropriate for his age. It needs to be texturized. It looks like someone who doesn’t give a shit about his hair who just cleans up the sides and the back to make him look somewhat professional. It looks like a college student chilling at the frat house who hasn’t had time to get his hair cut because they are too busy getting drunk. The sad thing he probably thinks it’s very stylish. Estimated value: 100.00.”

Bobby Jindal

“In a word, hick hair. Estimate value: whatever the going rate for a barbershop hair cut in Louisiana.”

Donald Trump

“The most famous comb over in the world. His comb over is so famous and so distracting that’s all people see now – a talking comb over. Estimated value: you know he pays a fortune for it.”

Ted Cruz

“Another quintessential barbershop haircut. A buzz cut done in 5 minutes. Estimated value: $8.00.”