The allegedly mediocre Middle Men is about Internet porn. And the Los Angeles premiere was certainly...porn-tastic.

Jena Malone's 90s mini was one option for this event: the better one, I might add.

Amy Smart went with "day-spa."

Selma Blair did, too: although I must say, she's rocking the simplicity of this. And I have several ideas about who she might be looking at...

Starting with Stephanie Pratt.

Maybe Laura Ramsey? Although this is stealth-awesome.

I too like vintage lingerie detailing. Not necessarily in Milena Govich's combination.

Claudia Jordan must be feeling either over- or under-dressed.

Mary Carey. Because, really, what's to say? Her boyfriend was a dick on Celebrity Rehab. You can say that, I guess.

Bridget Marquardt: demure by comparison!

When I was little I loved to draw dresses and every single time I would give them, no matter what the dress was, a Marie Antoinette-style "opening curtain" effect. I would have been all about Jacinda Barrett's frock.

For once, Luke Wilson's look of bemusement makes sense.
[Images via Getty]
DISCUSSION
Jacinda!!!! Wow, I'd forgotten how lurvely she is. I am lusting hard after those purple shoes. Selma Blair and Amy Smart both look damn good. Everyone else...what is the opposite of "damn good"? "Damn bad" doesn't sound right.