Police Investigating Crap Letters from a Creepy Stalker in Canada

Illustration for article titled Police Investigating Crap Letters from a Creepy Stalker in Canada

There are crap emails and letters that we can all laugh at, and then there are crap emails and letters that cross the funny line, veering dangerously into Thomas Harris territory. Take, for example, a series of ultra-creepy letters some stalker in British Columbia has apparently been writing to a specific woman who likes to walk her dogs on a popular trail and whose most winning characteristic, according to the letter writer, is that she seems to realize when she's being watched.

Advertisement

Police in Campbell River, British Columbia, are trying to figure out the intent of some weird letters that recently turned up along Beaver Lodge trail, a popular place for people to walk their dogs, jog, or creep around in the woods spying on total strangers. The letters appear to have been written about a specific woman, and contain such icky lines as,

You could smell my cologne. I was close enough to hear you ask your friend if she smelt cologne.You obviously have sharp senses, as every time that you stop and look around yourself, I feel as if I am almost caught.

and

I am very impressed every time I see you in the woods. You seem to realize when you are being watched.

Police just want to know what the deal was with these letters. Like, are they failed attempts at romance, or murderous missives from someone who once borrowed Manhunter from the local Blockbuster, never returned it, and, now that Blockbuster is defunct, can never, ever return Manhunter, and so watches it, each night, as punishment for contributing to society's general inclination towards sloth and selfishness?

As for the woman these letters were intended for, the police have spoke to her and she doesn't seem too concerned that someone who's watched too many serial killer movies is stalking her in the woods of British Columbia.

DISCUSSION

musichetta
musichetta

I went to the link above and holy shit, the whole letter. At first it sounds like an overly enthusiastic dude with a crush, and then it just gets weird. The bad kind. The "I don't think this can end well" way. The "why are you not terrified, lady?" way.

IF YOU ARE A GIRL AND HAVE A PITBULL TERRIER, STOP!

This message is for a certain young lady who owns multiple pitbull terriers, so if this is not you, cease reading.

I see you nearly every lunch hour of mine in here. You seem to have 3-4 dogs, two black ones and a brindle, along with a mongrel I am not as of yet familiar with. Perhaps it belongs to your friend.

Yesterday, you were in here with a friend, with the brown dog and the mongrel. Everytime that I see you coming, I want to approach you and introduce myself. Instead, I find myself overcome by shyness and jumping off the trail, and watching you from afar. But yesterday, I slipped up and almost came out to say hello, but I thought better of it. I was too close and you could smell my cologne. I was close enough to hear you ask your friend if she smelt cologne, and I watched you stop and smell the air. You reminded me of a tiny fox the way you lifted your face and scented the air. I know that your dog seen me because the hair on its backs too up. I watched you grab your dog before he could bolt into the woods, thankfully for me as it is a very big dog.

I am very impressed every time I see you in the woods. You seem to realize when you are being watched; but perhaps your very large, aggressive looking dogs, plus the bear spray and the concealed knife I know that you carry, give you a sense of security. However, you obviously have sharp senses, as every time that you stop and look around yourself, I feel as if I am almost caught.

I just wanted to tell you that I think you are very beautiful and have a beautiful body. I do not intend for this message to scare you, as it shouldn't. I only hope that one day I am courageous enough to come out and say hello. I realize that other people who read this may find it "creepy," but you seem to be smart enough to know the difference, and frankly, it is noone elses business.