Please Remember to Eat a Fucking Vegetable

I think I speak for this entire website, perhaps this entire country, when I say that food is hard this week. My colleague Ashley Reese already made it clear that she was absolutely not cooking for election night, but as a single “night” has turned into days, the idea of whipping up a nice, nutritious meal seems laughable.

Nobody has time for that and I get it. At Jezebel we’ve been subsisting on the usual garbage: pizza, handfuls of Cheez-Its, burritos, waffle fries and queso, Crock-Pot delicacies, Diet Coke just like our boy Steve Kornacki, eggs lazily scrambled with whatever nugget of energy is left in our bodies, as we whisper “Nevada…Nevada…?” underneath our breath. But every few minutes one of us will remark, “maybe I should eat, um, a vegetable.” “I swear I’m eating a salad today,” someone will say. But why spend time whipping up a salad when there’s a box of Chikin in a Biskit crackers right in front of you? Because, I’m here to tell you, your BODY NEEDS VEGETABLES.

I don’t mean this in the cutesy, ~* self care *~ Instagram graphic way: You need to eat a vegetable today. You need to go to your bodega, or grocery store, or crawl into the back of your freezer, and find some broccoli and sautée it up with some garlic and eat it. Sure, you can eat it with the side of microwaved Kraft or expensive Thai takeout I know you have waiting for you tonight, but as long as you’re eating it I’ll get off your back.

Now open up the blinds, let the light into your bedroom, and grab a pen and paper. Here’s a list of vegetables and greens to get you started:

• Broccoli
• Bok choy
• Sweet potatoes
• Lettuce
• Carrots
• Celery
• Beets
• Kale
• Spinach

See, that wasn’t so hard? We’re in this together. But dear god, please put something that grew from the ground straight into the bag of bones and flesh that is your body.