Please, Please Change the Password on This Instagram and Save The Ordinary's CEO from Himself

Let’s check in on Deciem/The Ordinary CEO and gentle, open spirit Brandon Truaxe, who is continuing his mission of radical transparency by using the brand’s Instagram feed as his own personal vlog. This time, he has issued what looks like an actual call for help because someone (?) at Biggin Hill Airport has confiscated his luggage (?).

Deciem’s Instagram has been relatively normal since its latest outburst earlier this month, but those who like their cheap retinols with a side of mess may have noticed that Truaxe is back on his bullshit once more.

On Monday, the brand posted a photo previewing what looks to be a new line of skincare for babies—normal. On Tuesday, it posted a brief clip of Truaxe grinning maniacally at the camera, saying “I. Love. You.” and pointing—not as normal, but not not normal, given what we’ve previously seen. On Wednesday morning, Truaxe posted two Instagram videos back to back, both of which have since been deleted.

In the first, Truaxe was seen walking away briskly from a man in a green jacket, imploring the approximately 361,000 people that follow his brand’s account to call the authorities. “Everyone, please contact Biggin Hill airport security ” the caption read. “I’m trying to help you, Brandon. I”m trying to help you,” a man in a green jacket says, scurrying behind Brandon. “You’re going to get killed,” the man says—for what or how, we don’t know.

“Jonathan, this is abuse,” he says, cool as a cucumber. “Jonathan, Jonathan. Jonanthan, please tell them I wont sue them. This is going to go on Instagram for Deciem in exactly one minute unless the car arrives very close to me for my luggage. This will go on Instagram. I’m going to wait here.”

True to his word—it did. “Call police,” Brandon wrote in the comments. “They have my luggage. In the car.”

Immediately following this honestly distressing and confounding video was another—brief, to the point, and now-deleted. Truaxe appears to have found himself in the forest, Blair Witch style, begging for help. Near tears, he begs, “Zuck, I’m serious, Please help me.”

????

A cursory Google search leads me to the website of Biggin Hill Airport, located outside of London, servicing what looks to be mostly private planes, helicopters, and fancy shit. Its sister airport in the United States is Teterboro, confirming my suspicions that Truaxe, seen in the above, is still wearing what I think are the headphones you wear on a helicopter (or a tiny airplane) for noise. (As I am not a famous or wealthy person who has ever been in a helicopter or a private plane, I could be wrong; please let me know in the comments.)

Given the admittedly minimal evidence provided, it’s difficult to truly surmise what happened, but it seems like nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps his luggage was removed from the aircraft and transported in a vehicle to him. Maybe that vehicle was taking a little bit longer than the .05 seconds he expected it to arrive. Maybe Brandon needed his binky, which was coincidentally in his luggage in the car—not “confiscated” as he claimed, but merely being transported to its next location. Who is Jonathan? Is this man in the green jacket toddling behind Brandon getting paid enough to deal with this shit?

We’ll never know, as those posts were deleted. In their place, the following explanation exists.