Please Leave Hocus Pocus Alone

You could say this about every remake, reboot, and nostalgia-driven television program being made today, but I’d really like to be clear: Hocus Pocus does not need to be fucked with. Please leave it alone.

Alas, my cries are unanswered once again: Deadline reports that the demons that live in this world dressed in human form are developing a “reimagining” of Hocus Pocus, a movie that is essentially perfect and deserves no further consideration. The “reimagining” will have a new cast and a new director, which somehow makes it even worse. I can’t imagine Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker agreeing to reprise their roles as the Sanderson sisters, but I also am struggling with the idea of seeing anyone else inhabit the unfortunate rodent-teeth dentures Bette Midler wore as Winnie.

To be clear— Hocus Pocus is not any sort of great cinematic achievement. It’s a perfectly fine family film that emphasizes the virginity of a 15 year old boy and features the second worst animatronic black cat in television history. It’s the kind of movie that provides endless amounts of fodder for an internet clamoring for nostalgia content tailored to an audience that prefers to express their feelings about, say, introversion, in GIFs instead of words. It’s not that fucking with the original would be an affront to its place in the hallowed history of film—we just don’t need another Hocus Pocus. It was great the first time. It is fine the second time. It’s a nice thing to watch with the wind whistling at your windows. Just show the children the old version and leave it at that.