The Christmas trees are up and Drake is out here. On Sunday, Champagnepapi released his first thirst trap of the holiday season, posted to his Instagram story.
His abs? Etched. His brow? Furrowed. His plentiful, disparate tattoo art? Present. He also posted was also a poolside video, in which the Scorpion’s full, lustrous beard deliciously dripped chlorinated water as he rapped along to a song I cannot presently identify.
Drake ostensibly possesses all of the components of a hot man—he’s tall (ish), he has a beard and discernible muscles—but the whole structure just does not cohere to me. I’ll probably always think he looks like, in the words of Desus Nice, a thumb with eyebrows.
Over the weekend, Beyonce performed at a private event for the daughter of India’s wealthiest man, Isha Ambani. Beyonce wore original designs, and was flanked by no underwhelming male talent to muck up the works. Honestly, this was a better gig than her last public performances, which have all featured her husband.
Reportedly, Bey’s private performance fee starts at $2 million. In this case, it had to have been exorbitant, to prompt all new costumes and no Hov. Oh, and Hillary Clinton was there.