I could never be myself around Isabelle Huppert, the brooding, serious, red-haired French actress known recently for acting the hell out of the morally ambiguous rape film Elle. For breakfast, I have what I call a “kitchen trash can omelette,” while she probably sips on a small cup of hot water and cigarette ash.
She recently taped a short interview with People, in which she’s asked a variety of questions so lowbrow that I’m sure she had to scrape the barrels of her method training to come up with appropriate responses (like, “when I watch a movie at home, I usually wear...” She says “pajamas”). But one of her answers is so perfectly Isabelle Huppert, in that the response at once shames the interviewer for asking it, and simultaneously shames all of America for being the way that we are.
The question: “When I go to the movies, my favorite snack is...”
Isabelle: “No snack. No drink. No food. Just being focused on the movies. No noise.”
If you see Isabelle Huppert in a cinémathèque, do not say hello to her; do not speak; do not move; do not swallow; apologize for your big stupid body with your eyes and then melt into your chair and wait for your body to evaporate into a cloud.