Everyone knows that the best episodes of Planet Earth are the ones where the BBC’s intrepid cameras plunge the depths of the ocean—like sticking your head in a very expensive aquarium and opening your eyes without fear of a fish eating your eyeballs.
Deadline reports that Planet Earth: Blue Planet II, which has already aired in many other parts of the world, will premiere on a whole mess of channels in January, including BBC America, AMC, IFC, WE tv, and SundanceTV, which means you have plenty of time to prepare the essentials for a Planet Earth: Blue Planet II watch-party for one: a teensy ball of marijuana, a large amount of very cold water, and a snack of your choosing—crudité, or maybe some nachos. Your life, pal!
The ocean episodes of Planet Earth rule because the ocean is soothing and also scary. A lot of truly terrifying creatures with mouths for eyes and tiny knives for teeth live down there but so do sea otters, orcas, and dolphins—the rubbery, sexually active nerds of the sea. Here’s a selection of some of the fucked-up shit that this series will explore: “methane volcaones erupting with bubbles the size of basketballs;” fish called leaping blennies that live mostly on land(what!); animals that somehow live “under a pressure equivalent to 50 jumbo jets stacked on top of one another.”
I lack the mental capacity to fully comprehend that last bit about the pressure and the animals that live under those constraints, but I imagine they are somehow engineered so that their transparent, cartilaginous bodies do not implode so they can go to work and such.
As someone who has watched Planet Earth: Blue Planet more times than I’d like to admit, I can say with great certainty that I will be tuning the HECK in for this sick-ass nature documentary extravaganza celebrating the awesome, fearsome nature of my dream forever home—the goddamn ocean.