'Pizzagate' Shooter Sentenced to 4 Years in Prison 

Edgar Maddison Welch of North Carolina, better known as “the Pizzagate gunman” was sentenced to four years in prison and three years of probation on Thursday, the New York Times reports. Welch was also ordered to pay $5,744 in restitution to fix up the pizzeria he wrecked because he thought he’d find illegal sex stuff there.

On December 4, 2016, Welch drove from his hometown of Salisbury, North Carolina to Washington pizzeria Comet Ping Pong, investigating a conspiracy theory, known as “Pizzagate,” that the Italian restaurant was a front for a child sex-slave ring run by Hillary Clinton. Welch stormed into the restaurant wielding three guns, firing a military-style assault rifle, and understandably scaring the shit out of a bunch of patrons and employees. No one was physically hurt, but the Associated Press reported that U.S. District Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson said during the sentencing hearing that the incident, “literally left psychological wreckage.”

In the days following the incident, Welch immediately began to regret his decision, calling the act, “an incredibly ill-advised decision,” and pled guilty to federal charges of assault with a dangerous weapon and transporting a firearm over state lines in March.

According to the Times, Welch apologized once again in court last week, in a handwritten letter where he admits that, though he traveled to Washington “with the intent of helping people,” his actions proved, “foolish and reckless.”

It’s just too bad for Welch he never found any orgies at the pizza parlor. I mean “sauce.”