One of the biggest things I sympathize with parents for is having to find ways to have sex while hiding it from the kids. It's always awkward when they bust you. But for one Redditor, it was more awkward and embarrassing than he could have imagined.
In a post called "TIFU [Today I Fucked Up] by lying to my kids so that the wife and I could have sexy time," one man describes a horror story horny parents everywhere are all too familiar with.
Redditor TuffAdams has been married for 24 years and still is madly in love with his wife (AWWWW!) She is a flight attendant and is sometimes gone for long stretches of time, so needless to say, when she gets back, it's sexy time. Only this sexy time, things went terribly, terribly wrong:
We have 3 children, ages 8, 10, and 12. The 8 year old is our only girl. She is a fucking vampire. She likes to sleep late and stay up late.
Anyway, on Thanksgiving day, my wife flew in and she missed me A LOT! In so many words, she told me what she was going to do to me that night after the kids were in bed. It made ME blush. So around 9ish, we told the kids to brush their teeth and we would read to them a bit then it was off to bed. After reading to them, my wife said, "You guys get in the bed and don't come downstairs and bother mommy and daddy. We are going to sit on the laptop and do some Christmas shopping for you."
Well, this made them run upstairs and get right in the bed. We waited about ten minutes and it was sexy time! I won't get into details but let's just say my wife REALLY missed me and was vocal about it.
About halfway through our sexy time, I hear a knock on the door. We immediately stop what we are doing. We are dead silent, hoping whoever it is will go away. Thirty seconds go by and I hear the sweet sound of my precious 8 year old daughter say, "Are you guys still Christmas shopping?" My wife says, "Yes, we are. Go back upstairs."
And then his little daughter said this:
"Well, all I can hear is AHHH AHHH AHHH AHHH!"
So that was the end of sexy time for the night for mom and dad. As Uproxx notes, the best thing about this story has to be the commenters having a field day with "Christmas shopping" as a euphemism for sex:
The best part of that reddit thread are the comments.
"H-oh God, home delivery!"
FEDEX ME, FASTER!
OH SANTA, STICK THE PRESENTS RIGHT IN THE CHIMNEY
At least she didn't hear you yelling, "Ho, ho ho."
I think the real impressive thing is after 24 years of marriage you're still having sex with your wife.
That last comment? Yep, that's kinda perfect (and sadly, true).
Parents, I offer you sympathy hugs for all the times you were busted having sex by your kids.