Since the mid-aughts there has been, I’m truly devastated to report, a dearth of the kind of flash-in-the-pan celebrity wedding news that came to define much of my teen years. News that was and is largely evidence of, in my opinion, the ways in which straight people are responsible for the erosion of the sacrosanctity deeply embedded in the institution of marriage. News which I deeply, deeply miss.
Sure, every once in a while we’ll get a quick dopamine hit of nostalgia when a real housewife marries a balding playboy in Florida but, and not to be a gossip elitist here, it hardly piques the same level of salacious interest as when Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman said ‘I do’ for just four months. Or when Britney Spears married her friend Jason Alexander for only 55 hours. Of course both of those instances pale in comparison to the fanfare that Jennifer Lopez’s 218 day marriage to her former backup dancer elicited, which was preceded by a different sub-year union to a man named Ojani Noa.
Mercifully, Pamela Anderson, a stalwart pioneer of the blink-and-you-miss-it marriage, whose 2006 nuptials with Kid Rock lasted only 17 weeks, is doing her part to keep the tradition of celebrities treating marriage like an overlong hangover needing to be cured alive and well, having recently had her 12 day marriage to producer Jon Peters ended via text message.
While it appeared the initial split was amicable, things have since taken a turn for the not-so-happily not-so-married couple. Peters has claimed that Anderson (who he says proposed to him via text message, presumably hoping to excuse his ending things in the same way) was $200,000 in debt, and that he took it upon himself to pay off what she owed. Anderson, for her part, says that’s entirely untrue. “I don’t need anyone to pay my bills,” she said, “I own a $10-million dollar house in Malibu Colony that has been rented for almost two years now and for the next three to five years for $40,000 month.”
Anderson continued on to say that that rent, along with “other work,” more than covers her expenses, and that she puts all her money in property, a concept that Peters allegedly doesn’t understand. “He still looked at me, like, that naive little girl sitting at the bar,” she said.
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While I would absolutely celebrate Anderson for finessing Peters into paying off her debts, congratulations to her for participating in the time honored tradition of rich people becoming landlords to become ever richer people by buying up property and then charging people to live somewhere the owner doesn’t want to be to begin with. More than that however, congratulations to her for keeping the dream of the mid-2000s marriage to divorce pipeline alive and running. Although celebrity divorce news is still a far cry from what it was, Anderson’s brief union is a glowing reminder of simpler times. Perhaps more celebrities will follow suite. [Us Weekly]
In other celebrity dating news, Ben Affleck is not on Grindr! Which would make sense considering Grindr is a “dating app” traditionally utilized by gay men looking for, um, let’s call them brief encounters. However, it warms by heart to know that Affleck is aware of the existence of Grindr, but it also makes me wonder how and why and if he is actually using it on the DL.
Speaking to Diane Sawyer, Affleck said he’s not on any dating apps at all after being asked if he used Raya, an app essentially designed for celebrities to find other celebrities to date because apparently publicists can’t be counted on to set their clients up for their own media gain anymore (expect for a few who still do it very well).
“No Tinder. Grindr. Bumble. Humble. I am not on any of them.” he said in an interview, “I don’t have judgment for people who are, great. I know people who are on them have a fun time but not me.”
It’s truly devastating news for those folks who had downloaded Raya in hopes of matching with Affleck only to be left swiping through photos of Moby, Fred Durst, and Bob Saget (allegedly). But it’s good new for Affleck, who has had his fare share of very public relationships and relationship endings, and seems to be committing himself to making the next one stick.
“I would love to have a relationship that is deeply meaningful and one to which I could be deeply committed” he continued on later, to which I saw, Ben, just call me already because same. [TooFab]
- What’s the tea? The (former) Royals are fighting! [Us Weekly]
- I would like to destroy this birthday cake with my face [TMZ]
- Hear the echos of failed relationships forever, buy The Bachelor’s former filming location [New York Post]
- Prenups can be romantic if you think about them the right way* *if you’re rich [Page Six]
- John Oates has sowed a lot of oats [Page Six]
- Will Arnett is going to be a dad, again! [Us Weekly]