Shocker: Colton Underwood, the 29-Year-Old Virgin Bachelor, Is Gay

Illustration for article titled Shocker: Colton Underwood, the 29-Year-Old Virgin Bachelor, Is Gay
Image: Tom Cooper/Getty Images for Smirnoff Seltzer (Getty Images)

Well, well, well, well, WELL, here’s a little something: Colton Underwood, the Bachelor that was a 29-year-old virgin, has revealed to Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts that he is gay. This makes sense! Puts some things into perspective, mostly his entire run on The Bachelor, which now reads like a man trying really, really hard to play the part of a straight man who loves women, for an audience expecting heteronormative fairytale bullshit!

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In the interview, Underwood admits that at a point, he was suicidal, but is now the “happiest and healthiest” he’s ever been. He also apologized to all the women on his season of The Bachelor as well as Cassie Randolph, the one he selected to be his bride, who also filed a restraining order against him last year for “stalking.” (That restraining order has since been dropped.) He also said that he was in love with her, but then, yes, again, he is very sorry.

Honestly, the Bachelor should’ve ended with Colton’s season, not because he was gay, but because the show itself is outdated as a construct, and Chris Harrison seems like a real piece of shit. But that is not up for debate today, I guess—this is Colton’s day. Big day! Happy for him. [Page Six]


Another man who is very sorry but for something way worse, I think, is Morgan Wallen, the dirtbag who was caught saying the n-word. He took some time off to “reflect,” by not posting on social, but now he is back with a handwritten “I’m listening and learning” note that is meant to convey how serious he is about his intentions to cure himself of racism.

He writes:

“I wanted to let you guys know that…[I] feel like I’ve really worked on myself. I’m proud of the work I’ve put in, and in many ways thankful to have had the time to do it. I will always strive to be better. Not only has this time revealed to me the ways in which I want to improve, but it’s also reminded me that I am still very proud of who I am and the man I am becoming.”

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Okay, buddy, sure! You do just that. Keep working. Yep, you’re doing great, sweetie. Working hard, or hardly working, yeah Keep it up! [WIO News]


  • Just a good list of famous people who believe in aliens. [Us Weekly]
  • I don’t have the knowledge or the patience to decipher whatever the hell Miss Swift is or is not saying in this segment with Stephen Colbert. [Just Jared]
  • LOL, Satan has reproduced successfully. [Us Weekly]

Senior Writer, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

janetsnakehole73
Janet Snakehole37

I see couple of things happening with this Colton discourse.

You can absolutely hold him accountable for being an abusive, creepy stalker. Its what he is/was.

You can sympathize with him coming to terms with his sexuality because that is a difficult thing to do, especially after what I assume are years of toxic Christianity and heteronormative hypermasculinity.

“Oh we knew hihihi.” Thank you for being condescending & snarky to people still in the closet and scared to come out.

You can absolutely do all these things at the same time without “however”
and “but”....basically excusing his past behavior. Two things are possible at the same time. Liberal wokescolding in the most simplistic terms only feeds the neonazis and conservatives that all gay men are predators and abusers.