On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

Last night at the 26th Annual ARIA Awards in Sydney, Australia, there were some really weird, eye-popping and exciting ensembles on the red carpet. But not on Taylor Swift, who was flawlessly boring (boringly flawless?) as always.

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Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

Let these wild and crazy guys set the mood: Buddy Goode has a certain je ne sais quoi — as in je ne sais quoi wtf is going on there. Beards and brights on the Romance Was Born designers. The last two are captioned as being "Tom & Alex."

Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

More mavericky men: Firass Dirani, you and your green eyes need to call me. Timomatic has escaped from Thunderdome. Dan Sultan does dapper.

Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

Basic black: Christina Perry, Megan Washington.

Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland
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Plucky pairs: Australia's Next Top Model winner Montana Cox and Samantha Harris; The McClymonts; singer Missy Higgins and friend.

Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland
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It's around 88° with 88% humidity in Sydney right now, and maybe that is why model/actress/TV personality Erin McNaught has some weird sweaty spots on her gown. Or perhaps she dropped some hors d'oeuvres on herself in the limo?

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Va-va-voom! Singer Jessica Mauboy looks stellar in body-skimming gold.

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A sampling of hemlines: Actress Rhiannon Fish likes it sparkly and knee-length. Violinist Sally Cooper goes pollen-hued and skimpy. Jules Sebastian — fashion stylist/makeup artist and host of MTV's Style Me — picks a short silver sliver of a dress. Former Voice contestant Emma Birdsall goes all long, flowy and pretty.

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Here's where things start to get VERY INTERESTING. And colorful. Carmen Smith in wine-colored slink. Charli Robinson in kaleidoscopic print. Maude Garrett in a third grader's roller skating skirt.

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Honestly, neon pink is one of my favorite colors. So I dig what Havana Brown is trying to do…

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…That said, singer Ricki-Lee Coulter did it cleaner, sexier, cuter, better.

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We're just getting started with the colorful stuff: Singer Sarah DeBono has long, lustrous ruby locks and a lemon-yellow gown, and each on its own would be okay but together I just want to order a Happy Meal and a chocolate shake.

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Speaking of red and yellow: MTV VJ Ruby Rose. It's certainly very loud, but in the spirit of the event, in a way.

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As "that girl from the Gotye song,"Kimbra has been in our ears constantly. Now she's all up in our eyes. A retina-searing feathered frock with sculpted puff sleeves sounds wrong, but looks pretty fucking awesome. Fucked up costumey fantasies are what you're supposed to wear to a music awards show.

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And the award for Most Colorful goes to Ms. Minaj. Life's like a movie. Write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending. We've done just what we've set out to do. Thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you.

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It wasn't all a riot of hues down under. Some of the ladies were color-shunners. Ellie Kelaart is one of The Twins. They're DJs? I guess? I mean, when I look at her and read the word twins, I think of something else, but whatever.

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More white: Singer Samantha Jade, former Voice contestant Diana Rouvas, singer Gossling.

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All Hail Queen of Colorlessness, TSWIZZLE. She looks impeccable, as always. Perfect makeup. Not a hair out of place. Gorgeous gown. Although we've seen this pale/nude/sheer/skintone/princessy look before. Recently, even. Wouldn't it be nice to see her in androgynous YSL Le Smoking style? Or some sick goth Gareth Pugh jacket? Or at least some cheeky high brow haute couture from Dior? Ugh, anyway. Here she is, doing what she does, and looking fab. Yawn.

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Illustration for article titled On a Rainbow Red Carpet, Taylor Swift Is the Princess of Bland

Images via Getty.

DISCUSSION

PopeAlexandersEternalSunshine
Pope Alexander

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that super-close-up showing her out-of-place hair, visible foundation line, and slight breakout seems a tad passive-aggressive, no? Particularly given the juxtaposition between the previous caption and lack of caption for this one.