Oldest Crown in the World Set to Make Its Glorious Debut in New York

The oldest crown in existence in the world is coming to New York, and from the looks of it, it’s pretty much here to conquer all of us.

Per DNAInfo New York, the crown is pretty badass:

The crown — a blackened metal ring topped with vultures and doors —
is a relic from the Copper Age, which occurred about 6,000 years ago.
It’s on display at the Institute for the Study of the Ancient World at New York University as part of a new exhibit that runs from Feb. 13 through June 8.

VULTURES, YOU GUYS. That is a crown that is not messing around with you. You know a king or queen means business when there are freaking vultures on their crown. That’s not just a few sapphires and diamonds stuck on a headpiece to make you look all fancy. That’s a crown that says “Mess with me or my country and I will literally peck your goddamn eyeballs out.” (OMG WHY AM I SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS? Oh because I have no life. Right.)

The crown, the most ornate of five on display, may also have played a
part in burial ceremonies, said [Jennifer Y. Chi, the institute’s exhibitions director and chief curator]. Some archaeologists speculate that
the crown, with its symbols of vultures and doors, is a model of a
structure where bodies were allowed to de-flesh before burial.

When you keep a model of a place dead bodies were allowed to “de-flesh” on your crown, you are not just saying “I am royalty.” You are saying “I HAVE TASTED THE BLOOD OF THOSE WHO HAVE WRONGED ME AND MY SOUL DEMANDS MORE.”

If you want to see this crown along with a lot of other really incredible artifacts, head over to the The Institute for the Study of the Ancient World at 15
E. 84th St. Admission is free (but you could probably help them out and buy a t-shirt or something).

“Masters of Fire: Copper Age Art from Israel” contains 157 items
representing eight decades worth of archaeological discoveries from
Israel, according to [Chi]. Many of the artifacts come from the Nahal Mishmar Hoard,
a collection of 432 objects uncovered in a remote cave high above the
Dead Sea in 1961.

There is a scepter decorated with horned animals, a copper container
designed to look like a woven basket and clay goblets and bowls.

The Hoard was a defining discovery of the Copper Age, according to Chi, and tell a story about how early society was organized.

“In order to have such exceptional objects, you have to have some
sort of elite group that can afford to have them made,” Chi said. “As
one of the other curators said — it’s like the original 1 percent.”

The exhibit also features objects from the Peqi’in Cave, another
important discovery site. The most significant are eight house-shaped
ossuaries, or burial containers for human skeletal remains. Some were
designed to look like human faces or figures and all are decorated with
red stripes or zigzag patterns.

Now, when you get there, make you sure you ask if you can try on the crown. Then ask if you can wear the crown and get a group of your friends to pretend that you are all riding into a “mighty battle.” When the museum staff look at you like you are totally nuts, declare in a really loud voice “HOW DARE YOU MOCK YOUR KING?” and then tell them looking at you directly in the eyes in “an affront to God.” That’s how I do all my museum tours. It makes it better and you sometimes get pizza in the security office waiting room.