Ohio State May Name Emergency Room After Abercrombie & Fitch

The day in which we all must sacrifice our young upon an altar to corporatocracy looms ever closer: Ohio State University is planning to name its new emergency department after Abercrombie & Fitch, a clothing company that peddles jean shorts and graphic tees about being horny and/or drunk and/or confused to teenagers.

Spiritually, Abercrombie & Fitch is based in a special circle of hell which is guarded by bathing suit-clad demons. It’s constantly spritzed with a perfume culled from the tears of your parents, late at night, wondering if their baby will ever stop texting and sulking, and it’s filled with the thunderous soundtrack of abjection — on the mortal plane, though, it’s based in New Albany, Ohio. Being from Ohio, the company endeavors to give back to the community, which is surprisingly generous and kind: in recent years, A&F has donated over $10 million to Ohio State University’s medical center. In addition, Les Wexner, who owns the business conglomerate to which Abercrombie belonged, has donated $100 million to the school itself.

(The company also helped to create the Abercrombie & Fitch Chair in Inflammatory Bowel Disease, which is also, coincidentally, a common nickname for its current CEO.)

On Friday, the Ohio State board of Trustees will vote on the proposal to create the Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency department. According to Bob Mackle, a medical chair spokesman, this decision is a way to thank the company for investing in the health and well-being of Ohio citizens: “As a nonprofit health system, we value and recognize the benefits of philanthropic support to our endeavors to improve health care in our community.”

The OSU emergency department will be the second hospital in Ohio to name its emergency center after A&F — Nationwide Children’s Hospital did so last year, despite objections from opponents who found it inappropriate to name an ER for children after a brand that notoriously sexualizes children in its advertisements (also probably despite eye rolls from teens who were quick to point out that A&F is totally lame and random and no one even goes there any more).

“Ohio State may name hospital emergency room after Abercrombie & Fitch” [The Columbus Dispatch]
Image via Facebook.