Oh, Good: Tan Mom is Back With a New Music Video and Very White Teeth

Has your life felt empty and devoid of meaning lately? Are you frustrated with the freezing lie that was meant to be spring? Never fear! Patricia Krentcil, best known to the world as Tan Mom, is here to warm your frostbitten soul with her warm, healthy glow and clever lyrics about making out with Katy Perry.

If Tan Mom’s first videos (made with “Justin Jedlica Lite” Adam Barta) were raucous messes that hearkened back to the public access programming of the 90s, this new one (her third and exclusively available on Fishwrapper) is much more subdued in style, if not substance. While many images of Tan Mom’s body remain (this video favors the upskirt rather than the classic “just focus on the boobs”), the vision for this latest musical adventure has a “day in the life” feel that follows Tan Mom from club, to dentist, to club, to party to dentist. Actually, considering how much of this video is made up of Tan Mom’s visit to the dentist, I’m going to assume she goes there fairly regularly and always in the same outfit. Could this video actually be suggesting that Tan Mom has traded one obsession (tanning) for another (teeth whitening)? Has anyone checked on her daughter, lately?

Tan Mom’s second (and best) video, for comparison.

With lyrics like “I’m not the teen mom, backdoor, just ain’t my thing” and “you don’t know me the way that you think it, baby, when the world goes crazy” it’s clear that Krentcil isn’t just a talented lyricist but one that is deeply entrenched in the world of pop culture. In fact, towards the end of the video she makes a strange reference to Jenny McCarthy (a google search shows no connection between the two women) and then followed it up with “tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet,” which is probably the best lyric in the whole video and also my own personal philosophy.

You know what? The entire thing is a mess that can’t be described. I keep thinking that it’s a joke, but it feels like Krentcil is really sincere about the whole thing and I can’t tell whether that’s a good thing or just really, really sad. (I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.) (Still incredibly catchy, though. Kind of a mix of Counetess Luann and Leslie Hall, right?)