Oh, a Blissful Lauren Sanchez Might Have Accidentally Leaked the Alleged Bezos Dick Pics Herself!?

The saga of Jeff Bezos’s woefully pedestrian sexts and the new, looming threat of alleged dick pics continues with this new revelation: it was reportedly Lauren Sanchez, whose “loose lips” about the sexts and dick pics brought this information to us.

My initial thought was that Bezos’s soon-to-be ex wife Mackenzie leaked the info to the press, because she’s got nothing to lose and is about to get a katrillion dollars because there was no prenup! According to a Page Six source, it was NOT Mackenzie who did the leaks, but was Sanchez, inadvertently, who was so excited about her relationship with Bezos that she reportedly sent the sexts to her friend, and said friend leaked the texts to the National Enquirer.

Here’s another tidbit, if we must (we must): the texts that were leaked Thursday also reportedly included the aforementioned dick pics, which I feel we will all probably see within two to three days’ time. This is not my explicit desire, but I’m pretty sure it will happen. I’m also sure the dick will look much like Bezos himself—shiny and thumb-like. Anyway, the tidbit. Yes, the tidbit. According to a Page Six source, he’s “big.”

That’s all! Have a nice weekend.

[Page Six]

I keep forgetting that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are married but they certainly love to keep reminding me that they are! First they didn’t want a wedding, and now, maybe, they do?

“They are still in the middle of deciding whether or not they want a big or small wedding,” a source close to Baldwin tells Us Weekly exclusively. “They would love a small wedding, but they have so many people that they want there and they know once they start planning, it could become bigger.”

Okay. I cannot imagine these two people having a wedding that was small, petite, or even medium. They will have a big wedding. It will be a Wedding. There will be costume changes for both Justin and Hailey and their guests. Confetti. Streamers. The whole nine yards. Just stop being coy and do the wedding!! God!!

[Us Weekly]

Let’s check in on Sarah Jessica Parker’s Instagram, yeah?

Yas, “gorgeous luggage cart!” Yas, hat!

• As I am still riveted against my will by the relationship between Christine El Moussa and Ant Anstead, I would like to share with you all the latest update: her ex-husband, Tarek is “happy” for them. Thank you! [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson, are you okay? [People]
• Meghan and Harry are looking for a hospital and a nanny for their soon to be birthed small baby. [Us Weekly]
• Did not realize that Taylor Swift and Cazzie David and whatever hang out??, but ok sure, it’s fine. [E! News]