Obama Meets The Mounties, Gets Some Beaver Tail

Today is Inappropriate Humor Friday, what with Roland Burris not resigning, Republicans loving pork, Argentina getting snitty and Obama up in Canada with the Mounties and some beaver tail. At least he’s not in Regina.

Just like Roland Burris wasn’t going to quit until the Senate agreed to seat him, he’s now not going to quit sitting in the Senate until the Capitol Police pull his chair out from under him and haul him off, ethics scandal or not. He doesn’t care who isn’t supporting him any longer or how many people he has to meet with in order to find a few who think he shouldn’t resign; that Senate seat is his, dammit, because he needs to finish up the list of accomplishments on his mausoleum before he pops off.

People who are backing down, however, include Washington lobbyist Vicki Iseman, who is dropping her suit against the New York Times for implying that she was boning John McCain in exchange for some space to reiterate that she was not, in fact, boning John McCain. Screw the money: she just really, really wants people to know that she was not boning John McCain. Don’t blame her.

Hillary Clinton is getting tough and telling the North Koreans to stop being such assholes, which they’re totally being assholes about. So Clinton has named yet another special envoy, Stephen Bosworth, to deal with their crap while she heads to China and deals with problems that are larger than even Kim Jong Il’s inflated sense of self-worth, which is to say, pretty big.

No longer big and strong is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, which slipped to a 6-year low yesterday and that noise you heard was the last pennies of my 401(k) rattling around in the bottom of the piggy bank my brokerage is now keeping it in. To celebrate our already-shitty economy, Barack Obama has decided to stop fucking around with budget numbers the way that Bush did to make the deficit look smaller, since, really, adjusting our budget deficit upwards by $2.7 trillion over 10 years by an elimination of book-cooking would normally cause the markets to tank, but they’re already tanked, so fuck it! His approval rating is still at 60 percent. Congress’s approval rating, though, is slightly lower (as in, half as much) which I’m certain has nothing to do with the fact that people just watched Republicans fall all over themselves to defeat Obama’s stimulus plan and are now watching the same motherfuckers line up at the trough for some delicious porky goodness they can take credit for bringing home to their districts.

In the rest of the world, it turns out that the Iranians promised to stop attacking troops in Iraq if we’d just let them have their nukes; Obama might stop building a nuclear weapons shield around Europe that Bush wanted; Argentina is expelling the Holocaust-denying bishop guy that Pope Benedict un-excommunicated; Benjamin Netanyahu is going to be the new Israeli prime minister; and Obama got some beaver tail in Canada. (That’s a pastry, you sick fucks.)