O.J. Simpson Might Be Selling His 'Murder Knife' for $5 Million

Today in OKEY DOKEY, acquitted murder suspect and ~~totally innocent kewl dood!~~ all-around sociopathic piece of shit O.J. Simpson is reportedly attempting to sell the knife used in his wife’s murder for $5 million. The knife—if it is the knife—was used in the brutal slayings of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson in 1994.

Sources close to O.J.’s inner circle believe he has held on to the 5-inch knife all these years and now has it stashed in the Bahamas.

An agent trying to broker deal doesn’t know where the knife is – because O.J. won’t reveal the cutlery’s location until a deal is 100 percent certain.

“O.J. said he’d reveal the location once a firm deal – for a minimum of $5 million – was reached,” the O.J. insider said.

I mean, it’s the Enquirer, so take it with as much salt as you like, but I certainly wouldn’t put it past Captain “If I Did It” over there. Hard to expect much gravitas or respect from a man who writes stab-themed fan-fiction about himself. Simpson, incidentally, is currently incarcerated for trying to steal his own memorabilia back from a Las Vegas casino in an epically bumbling caper that reads like the Ocean’s Eleven blooper reel. You know, just like normal, regular, non-crazy, completely unstabby innocent people do.