Oprah Winfrey, a multi-billionaire and person who is at least 1/4 actual deity, 1/4 work robot, can do many things, like hosting the world’s biggest baby shower and giving away cars whenever she damn well pleases. But there is one thing we have now learned she cannot do: save Weight Watchers, a company that probably doesn’t actually help you lose weight most of the time anyway.
Weight Watchers, a company that assigns arbitrary points to foods many of us enjoy, had shares fall 22 percent during their fourth quarter. The company that Oversees All of the Weight also reported a decrease in active subscribers by 4.8 percent, went down 37 percent in stock since autumn of last year, and totaled $259.2 million in revenue overall.
The figures were disappointing for the company, especially after Queen O bought a 10 percent stake in the company and joined the board last October—right when the company was relying on an uptick.
The company’s recent financial woes are the result of a years-long downward spiral brought on by the advent of fitness apps, many of which are free. Basically, it’s FitBit’s fault that in 2014 the company reported a market value of $1.1 billion—the lowest in Weight Watcher’s history. It also means that not even Oprah declaring her love for bread with more ebullience than any of us will ever experience in our lives in a Weight Watchers commercial could help the flailing company bounce back.
As I have stated publicly, there is something oddly heartwarming about the sheer enthusiasm Oprah uses when expressing her admiration and adoration for bread. And yet, this did not work.
If one day someone looked me longingly, with sincerity and fathomless faith, the way Oprah does when she’s talking about bread...well, we should all be so lucky to have that love in our lives.
And yet the power of love could not save Weight Watchers or finance.
tl;dr: love is dead, Weight Watchers is sort of fucked right now because the future, Oprah is probably still maybe immortal, let’s eat bread.
Image via Getty.
Contact the author at email@example.com.