Nosy Concern Trolls Concerned That Jessica Simpson Is Killing Her Fetus With Food

She may be pregnant, but that hasn’t stopped the “concern” over Jessica Simpson‘s supposedly humongous body. With most likely fictional doctors telling her to lay off the junk food, she apparently can’t stop gorging herself and killing her baby. “They beg her to ease off, but so far she has not been able to help herself,” shrieks a shitty friend. “Jessica has always loved to eat; almost to the point of addiction.” Granted fast food isn’t the healthiest option, but it’s unlikely that it’s all she eats. Besides, growing a little human inside you used to give you carte blanche to eat whatever the hell you wanted. Pickles and peanut butter, anyone? [Hollybaby]

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Forget interpretive dance, sometimes the medium of song is the best option when describing your intense love for a friend. Like, when you’re Maya Rudolph and you want to fuck your friend Amy Poehler “really hard. Like in her butt and stuff” — perhaps something “by the always tasteful and utterly brilliant lyricist Mr. R. Kelly” is in order. Take it away Maya! [E!]

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In the latest coverage of a woman’s body that isn’t your own, the British tabloids are concerned that Angelina Jolie may not be eating enough. A fly on the wall, who apparently has a command of the English language and the ability to read bathroom scales, says she’s at the 97lb mark, while another says she eats only 600 calories a day. Consuming a breakfast of coconut oil and a handful of cereal and skipping lunch, she saves the best for last and has but a lean steak and glass of red for dinner. “The worrying thing is that she is so busy, she often forgets to eat,” they gasp. We bet they’re terribly worried. [Daily Mail]

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She may be a smokin’ model-turned-actress with the world at her feet, but Rosie Huntington-Whiteley says she is just like us and used to look kinda awkward in her teens. “I was a bit of an Ugly Betty when I was 15,” she said. She’s only 24, so those of you in your late teens and early twenties are in with a chance. For the rest of us however, it’s probably safe to say we won’t be running around scantily clad behind Shia LaBeouf anytime soon. But, then again, who’d want to? [Daily Mail]

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It’s so sad I’d blocked it from my memory, but Jennifer Hudson is speaking about the horrific murders of her mother, brother and nephew – saying that a last-minute flight to see her fiancé David Otunga saved her life. “He wanted me to come out to Florida with him instead of going to Chicago. I flew out to see him; that’s why I’m still here,” she said. “I’ve never said that before, and I can’t believe I just said that now.” [Digital Spy]

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If one of us had a rent controlled apartment in Manhattan who’s to say we wouldn’t fight until the bitter end to keep it? So against all financial reason, it still smarts to see that Faye Dunaway has been forced to give up her $1,048.72-a-month one bedder on the Upper East Side. Sure she may have a tidy sum tucked away, but maybe she lost it all during some old-timey pyramid scheme. Who knows? The only thing for certain is that her landlord is going to jack the price right up for all of the Mommie Dearest-loving ‘mos who want in. [New York Times]

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A mixture of money and fabricated drama sees the Kim Kardashian divorce drama creeping back up the list. Sowwy! With Kris Humphries said to be suing his soon-to-be former wife to the tune of $10 million. Somehow shocked that he appeared in Kourtney And Kim Take New York a whole bunch, he’s also worried that he’s going to be made into the villain – a genuine concern when that family has a chance of coming off looking better than you. [Star Pulse]
Also, Kris Jenner is keeping Kim under lock and key – perhaps literally – to prevent the family’s overexposure. [Radar]

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• Despite rampant rumors that suggest otherwise, both Missy Elliott and Akon lived through the weekend. [E!]
• George Clooney could be called as a witness in the trial of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. [CNN]
• Let’s hope Miley Cyrus doesn’t have access to the internet, because Kelly Osbourne is blabbing about her “surprise” 19th birthday party. [E!]
• Uma Thurman‘s stalker was freed after he admitted he was “very guilty” when it came to calling her house. Makes sense. [NYDN]
• Speaking of celeb stalkers, who wants to take a look inside Hilary Swank‘s New York apartment? [E!]
• We’re waiting until she has a ring on her finger, but reports suggest it may not be long until Britney Spears is married. [Radar]
• Imagine having this kind of power when it came to your new job contract — Howard Stern agreeing to join America’s Got Talent if they move production to New York. [Page Six]
• Prince Harry is a cool rider, a co-o-o-o-l rider. [E!]
• Curtis Stone and Lindsay Price are the latest couple to add to the baby plague currently taking over the globe. [E!]
• It’s official! Fergie Ferg is having a baby … at some time in the future. [E!]
• Mia Farrow and Woody Allen‘s kid Ronan is a Rhodes Scholar. It’s pretty prestigious honor that he no doubt deserves but, beyond that, does he really need the money? [Ministry Of Gossip]
• Wow oh wow, Tara Reid is certainly approaching professional rock-bottom by appearing in a Jedward video. [Mirror]
• Andrea True singer of “More, More, More” and adult film star – who knew? – dies at 68. The cause of death is not known. Sads. [Spinner]
• Clearly a big Boy George fan, Kate Moss pays over $30K to sing with him at a charity event. [The Sun]
• Real estate porn: the Oprah Winfrey edition. [Radar]
• Jessica Alba didn’t go “too crazy” when it came to dropping the baby weight. Just prenatal yoga until the thing was crowning and then hit the gym within two weeks. But, meh, to each their own. [US]
• Michelle Williams says she only feels sexy surrounded by school boys. Context required. [E!]