No Uncircumcised Man Will Ever Know the True Pleasure of a Blow Job

Writing for The Atlantic this week, Shawnee Barton explores the topic that keeps on giving – male circumcision – writing about how she and her husband (SPOILER) came to the decision to not circumcise their son, a boy who will become a man who will surely be very happy to realize one day that a general idea of what his penis looks like is available on the internet for all to Google. The big thing Barton discovered was not that circumcision was a controversial topic (we knew that). No, she learned that the world is full of people who believe that one must circumcise one’s son for fear he will never be on the receiving end of oral sex.

After consulting physicians and going on the internet, Barton and her husband moved on to their third lifeline: phone a friend. And all her friends said…the same thing:

Almost half of our friends admitted that they considered the best way to help their sons procure oral sex as adults when making their “circumcision decision.”

For example, one of my husband’s ex-jock friends wrote a surprisingly thoughtful, persuasive, and well reasoned emailed argument to my husband in favor of circumcising our son. After the analysis though, his final—and key—factor was, “And it’s hard enough for a guy to get blowjobs as it is.” Shockingly, the misguided belief that uncircumcised men have more difficulties procuring oral sex is shared beyond the male college athlete demographic. An OBGYN mother-in-law asked my friend, who was carrying her grandson-to-be at the time: “Don’t you want him to get blow jobs some day?”

As soon as your baby is born, isn’t the first thing you’re concerned with related to the care and usage of his penis at some point in the next 20ish years?

Barton’s world is, like most of ours, dominated by sex. Early in her circumcision discussion, she assumes that she and her husband will not be circumcising their son, while he assumes they will be. This is the exchange that follows:

Then I gave my husband the ‘you’d like to have sex with me again, right?’ look and said to him, “We’ll talk about this later.”

Considering his assumption that their son be circumcised, it seems safe to assume that Barton’s husband has been circumcised, so he shouldn’t have feared any long-term sex ramifications for his own life on account of his penis. But in conclusion, no man with a foreskin has ever been blown or ever will be, according to some friends.