Feels like the opening gambit of a Gary Shteyngart novel, don’t it? [E]
Although she only just divulged this in an interview with
Hello! Magazine,
Sharon Osbourne underwent a double mastectomy last summer after finding out she was particularly genetically susceptible to breast cancer. “I decided to just take everything off. For me, it wasn’t a big decision. I want to be around for a long time and be a grandmother to [
Jack Osbourne’s new daughter]
Pearl. It’s not ‘pity me.’ [It’s] a decision I made that’s got rid of this weight that I was carrying around.” [
People]
Katy Perry and
Rihanna are on the out because Perry thinks that Ri-Ri’s decision to get back together with
Chris Brown is “a huge mistake.” Not that she’s one to talk, considering Perry is currently on-and-off with
this human taint, but the last time Perry and Rihanna really hung out in public was during the summer’s MTV Awards. [
Hollywood Life]
On the flip side, Perry’s parents are also threatening to cut off communication with her until she stops seeing aforementioned taint John Mayer, who she is now seeing as “father material.” Choose your choices, ladies. [Gossip Cop]
If you look close enough,
Taylor Swift’s feelings actually omit sparkly ectoplasm into the air. Here she is explaining her
Red song “The Last Time,” ostensibly an ode to
Jake Gyllenhaal, to NPR: “My visual for this song is, there’s a guy on his knees sitting on the ground outside of a door. And on the other side of the door is his girlfriend, who he keeps on leaving, and he keeps coming back to her, but then he leaves again. He’s saying, ‘This is the last time I’m going to do this to you.’ And she’s saying, ‘This is the last time I’m asking you this: Don’t do this again.'” Tailssssss. [
NPR]
David Beckham has apparently been offered his own talk show. Flimsy yet acceptable excuse for a gif. [
Daily Mail]
- Levi Johnston wore a butt-ugly vest to his wedding. [TMZ]
- TODAY IN MOMENTOUS DECISIONS, BEYONCE GOT STRAIGHT-ACROSS BANGS. [[Pop Sugar]
- Adele bought another house in Notting Hill. [MTV UK]
- After filming that porny music video, Miley Cyrus has gotten a $1 million offer to do an actual softcore porn video. [TMZ]
- Snooki Tweeted some shots of her (no makeup) with baby Lorenzo and Nicki Minaj congratulated her. [Gossip Cop]
- Marlee Matlin is pissed about Saturday’s SNL skit about sign language. [MSN]
- Try not to stand directly under Gisele Bundchen for the next few minutes because it looks like she is about to shoot that kid out of her uterus like a BB gun. [People]
- Kim Kardashian likes “simple dates,” which is why she had such a “simple” $10 million televised wedding and is now dating humble but honest beet farmer Kanye West. [Monsters and Critics]
- Lucy Camden from 7th Heaven is having her first kid; you are old. [People]
- Jack Nicholson has hung up his fuckmonster hat: “I am an extreme person. If someone says, ‘Jack, you are a womaniser,’ I don’t deny it. But the life of a gigolo always ends badly. ‘That is one of the reasons I feel uncomfortable about all that ‘sex legend’ stuff… I no longer have the energy to both work and fool around.” [Monsters and Critics]
- Pitbull admits his music “isn’t brilliant.” How has he pulled the wool over our eyes for so long?! [tv3.ie]
- So Seal wore fingerless yellow gloves and yellow nail polish? We live in a democracy? [Janet Charlton’s Hollywood]
- Aisha Tyler, who I love, is going to be on Glee! [Oh No They Didn’t]
- Carly Patterson, Olympic gymnast, got married. [People]
- The New York tanning salon that Amanda Bynes supposedly walked around naked and disoriented in backs up Bynes and says that shit never happened. [Us Weekly]
- Kristen Stewart looked great at AFI’s On The Road premiere. [Us Weekly]
- And Robert Pattinson was there, but left her alone to schmooze, undoubtedly being broody in a corner somewhere. [Page Six]
- R-Patz is also trying to quit smoking again at Leonardo DiCaprio’s behest. [The Sun]
- Joe Simpson is definitely not gay, says Joe Simpson. [NYDN]
- Katie Holmes’ Broadway co-star Josh Hamilton is apparently crushing on her hard but she doesn’t give a shit. [NYDN]
- A woman is allowed to sue Johnny Depp for damages after his bodyguards accidentally pantsted her. [NYDN]
- And the winning headline of the morning: “Marion Cotillard: ‘I Will Never Return To A Sea World.'” [Toronto Sun]
