New Sports Bar for Ladies Will Have Everything Bitches Love

Serious female sports fans are neither new nor novel, but that hasn’t stopped one new sports bar “for women” from treating them as such by attempting to attract patrons with walls the color of a Barbie aisle and fancy sparkly chandeliers.

According to DNAInfo, owners of New York City watering hole Campeon hope its pink walls and feminine chandeliers will lure the ladies like the flimsy promise of a diamond ring, or a movie poster upon which Jennifer Aniston is rolling her eyes.

“It’s highly stylized and geared towards women in that it’s not a typical Hooters-style bar that [is] overly masculine with the Guinness mirrors,” said owner Ken Sturm. “We did a softer design. We wanted to make it very inviting for women so that they don’t feel like they’re sitting in a men’s kind of club.”

Upon walking in, guests are met with a row of plush leather couches, chandeliers and mirrors shaped like suns. The bright pink walls are decorated with blue- and pink-patterned tiles, contrasting with dozens of TVs that on a recent afternoon were showing men’s basketball games and the Olympics.

Yes. As an occasional watcher of sports nothing turns me off more than the presence of a masculine mirror.

Look, if sports bars want to cater to women so bad, they don’t need a paint job or sparkly light fixtures or sporty drinks with the suffix “-tini” tacked onto the end. They don’t need specially trained emotions bartenders who, instead of asking for drink orders, say “Honey, what’s wrong?” They don’t need vodka-soaked tampons to save calories. They don’t need a decorative scheme.

Here’s what sports bars need to attract women:

Clean. Fucking. Bathrooms. That’s it. Clean bathrooms with more than one individual stall, well-maintained sinks with enough faucets for more than one person to wash their hands at once and hot water. Garbage cans that get emptied sometimes. Paper towels. Toilets that work.

Clean bathrooms. There’s your sports bar “for women.” Fuck this pink walls noise.