New Pill Promises To Eradicate Gray Hair

Cosmetics companies have scored another victory in the neverending battle against aging naturally. L’Oreal claims it’s developing a pill that will prevent gray hair entirely. All you have to do is take a take a pill with potentially risky side effects for the rest of your life!

The pill, which is scheduled to become available in 2015, contains and “undisclosed” fruit extract that behaves like an enzyme that protects pigmentation production in hair. Unfortunately you’ll have to make a call about taking the drug long before you get a chance to try out the Anderson Cooper look. According to MSNBC, the pill can’t alter existing gray hairs, it can only prevent strands from losing their pigment. L’Oreal says you’ll have to take the pill every day for at least 10 years if you want to ward off gray hairs, and as soon as you stop taking the drug you’ll lose pigmentation.

Predictably, scientists are being total worry warts, and are already asking silly questions like “How is it going to affect the skin and the organs?” Was it not clear that this pill CURES GRAY HAIR? Who cares about organs functioning properly when you can eradicate the biggest problem affecting older people? (According to hair dye commericals.)

Experts also note that there’s no way to know if you’ll go gray in your 30s or 40s (or possibly never) so some people might wind up taking the drug when they don’t even need it. Yet, Hillary Johnson, director of dermatologic surgery at Weill Cornell Medical College Department of Dermatology points out that some people have already resigned themselves to popping a pill every day to maintain their tresses:

“Lots of men take Propecia tablets to prevent balding and they take that for the rest of their lives. They would have to be a highly-motivated group of people, but broadly, that motivation is going to be hard to come by.”

Motivation shouldn’t be a problem. People have already been scared into injecting toxins into their faces and applying creams every night to ward off wrinkles. Even though people can already dye their hair (and some feel a mane of silvery hair looks badass) it shouldn’t be too hard for L’Oreal to convince consumers that they need to start treatment for grayness rather than living with this debilitating condition.