Network TV Has Gotten Raunchy As Hell

Remember the olden days, when a strategically-shadowed butt appeared on your TV only on late night television on weekends? Well, now the networks are pushing all the limits, fighting for your ratings by featuring the only things that matter to you: Anal and butt punching.

The Hollywood Reporter has just blown the doors wide open on network TV’s scandalous new practices and you may be surprised that your favorite channels are now getting dirtier and dirtier in the evenings. For instance, if you enjoy New Girl (I do not because you can only like one Deschanel and I chose Emily) you may remember an episode where the gang (I know they’re called a gang from commercials, but correct me if I’m wrong) made fisting joke after fisting joke, delighting themselves (and you) with their cleverness. And then there was that accidental butt-fucking episode of The Mindy Project. How are people getting away with this? (Besides the fact that no one is really shocked by ass sex anymore?)

Not everyone is happy with this new and liberated network television, though. Parents Television Council President Tim Winter is aghast at what’s going on and says that micropeens and sex positions have no place on evening television. Obviously Parents Television Council President Tim Winter has a very unfulfilling life because if you can’t enjoy the sex on Scandal, you’re not really living at all. (Although I kind of stopped watching after season 2. But I’m watching How to Get Away With Murder Now and network television without hot gay sex isn’t network television I want to watch.)

And much to Winter’s chagrin, Shonda Rhimes isn’t at all interested in taking the raunch out of any of her shows:

“I have no intention of changing what’s happening on Scandal at 9,” Rhimes told THR in July. “That will be interesting. I look forward to being censored.” But she hasn’t been. And not to be outdone, Rhimes’ 10 p.m. drama How to Get Away With Murder featured a character saying, “He did things to my ass that made my eyes water” and ended an episode with Viola Davis asking, “Why is your penis on a dead girl’s phone?”

Asking the important questions here, Shonda Rhimes. And as long as the FCC keeps the fines down low (like the kisses), we’ll be seeing many more like it.