I did not handle Donald Trump’s victory well.
In the days that followed the election, my dad tried to calm me down with logical, if unsatisfying, rationales: “You live in California! You have healthcare! The next four years will be frustrating but you will probably be OK.”
As I finally started to settle into this new reality, I asked: “How’s Grandma?” My grandmother, Sybil Brown, is the most sprightly 86-year-old you’ve ever seen in your life. She’s a longtime Seattle resident and worked for decades as a school teacher and principal. She and my dad now live next door to each other which is as hilarious, comforting and irritating for both of them as it sounds.
“She seems fine, actually,” he said and we both guessed that at a certain point, when you’ve lived long enough, it’s hard for much to faze you. And, I thought, as an 86-year-old black woman who spent most of her life in the United States, surely she’d seen things more terrible than this.
On a recent trip home, I spoke to her about Trump and the current chaos of the world. Her answers weren’t exactly what I expected. I thought she’d comfort me with stories about how things had been worse and look at us now! We’re alright. Unfortunately, she didn’t really do that. Mostly, my grandmother confirmed that yes, this is all as terrible as it seems.
Still, there was a matter-of-factness and stoicism to her responses. It wasn’t so much that she’d lived through something but that she’s continued to live at all. While we should of course care about other people and the greater humankind, there’s something to be said for self-preservation and it’s a tactic so many black Americans have practiced for centuries.
As a black woman, my Grandmother clearly knew this country was against her—hated her, even. And while they hated her, she carved out the best life she could. She pushed for change, of course, but also trusted that things would correct themselves and if they didn’t, at least you have your family and friends and a life you enjoy.
I’d love to share her optimism, though it’s difficult to do these days. But it’s also helpful to remember how much she’s seen get better—not perfect, but better. And beyond that, she’s seen the world continue to exist. When you’re surrounded by chaos and hatred, unsure of when it will subside, if ever, it makes sense to spend as many moments as possible focusing on what you can control and what brings you some comfort. This is what I took from our conversation. For that time, in that moment, she did make me feel better about the future—and it’s important to enjoy, even if the feeling won’t last.
JEZEBEL: How are you feeling about the world?
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