My 2 Best Friends Forgot to Invite Me to This Party, Which Is Totally Fine. I'm Not Mad

The look of love in the eyes of my best friends is too much for me to bear.
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My heartiest congratulations to Isabelle Huppert and Julianne Moore, my two absolute best friends in the entire world, who had a very nice time at this birthday party that I happened to miss only because I was doing laundry and watching 90 Day Fiancé and also, because I didn’t know about it?

Truly not a big deal. My invite—Paperless Post this year, for the environment—was clearly lost in the abyss of my inbox, which is certainly not color-coordinated and organized enough to ding a notification at me on every available platform when one of my best friends sends me an email, even if it is by accident. Anyway, I wasn’t at the birthday party at Orsay on Sunday night, though I might have walked past it a few times just to see what was up, but it sounds like my friends had a really good time?

We’re told the pair — who have been pals for years — were with three other friends, but that Moore and Huppert were “thick as thieves — speaking privately and laughing.”

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I’m sure I know exactly what they were talking about, as I’m the third leg to the triangle that is our everlasting and extremely secure friendship!! They probably discussed Julie’s (that’s what I call her, because we are friends, obviously) unfortunate firing from Can You Ever Forgive Me?, and they also probably talked about why and how Isabelle is so good at dancing. Sometimes when we ALL hang out together, I listen to their earnest conversations about hair care and take notes about color-safe shampoos and Rita Hazan, so that I might slide said notes to my hairdresser.

Julianne’s singing voice is so beautiful, thanks to her training for her upcoming role as opera singer Roxanne Coss in the upcoming movie Bel Canto, but I’m sure her tasteful rendition of “Happy Birthday” was missing the value I add by providing harmony, and Isabelle probably wanted to smoke a single Gauloises Blonde behind the restaurant and Julianne wouldn’t dare, so it DOES seem like my absence was missed!!!

Happy birthday, Isabelle, thanks again for the invite, and I’m so sorry to have missed it this time around!! Next year.

Next.

Year.

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