Much to the Jezebel Staff's Surprise, Helen Hunt, Holly Hunter, and Jodie Foster Are Different People

Three Individual Women
Three Individual Women
Image: Alberto E. Rodriguez, Matthew Eisman, Frederick M. Brown (Getty Images)

Despite the fact that all of their last names are either nouns or verbs, I have been able to tell the difference between Oscar winners Helen Hunt, Holly Hunter, and Jodie Foster since right around the time my brain development allowed me to realize that different facial features usually indicate different people. This ability, I discovered today, makes me different from 99.9 percent of the world’s population, including my co-workers, who are generally much better than I am at literally everything except this one rare, remarkable skill I apparently possess.

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The debate around whether all three of the aforementioned women are, in fact different women began as we collectively empathized via Slack with Vulture’s Rachel Handler, who mistakenly called Helen Hunt “Jodie” in an interview while trying to ask her about being mistaken for Jodie Foster.

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From there, all hell broke loose as my—once again, usually much smarter and light-years more culturally knowledgable than me—colleagues discovered that Helen Hunt, Holly Hunter, and Jodie Foster are three individual human beings and not just one staggeringly talented actor who was in every film made between 1990-1999. Here is a transcript of me attempting to help the rest of the Jezebel staff untangle their mental knot of Jodie Hunters.

Joan Summers: In all honesty, I have never seen Twister or really know anything about Holly Hunter lol.

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: She called her Jodie.

Joan Summers: Why would she call her Jodie?

Joan Summers: Yes, I am missing context on this Holly Hunter person as well as Jodie Foster it seems

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Emily Alford: Wait, by Holly Hunter do you all mean Helen Hunt?

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: Goddammit. Helen hunt. Not Holly Hunter.

Lisa Fischer: Put some respect on Helen’s name. Mad About You 4eva.

Emily Alford: Turns Out, Helen Hunt Is Neither Jodie Foster Nor Holly Hunter

Hazel Cills: Not to be rude, but Helen can not compete with Jodie or Holly.

Emily Alford: HELEN HUNT NEVER GOT A CHANCE. She absolutely could have been a contender, Hazel.

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Hazel Cills: Wow.

Lisa Fischer: Jodie > Helen > Holly

Emily Alford: Oh no. Holly > Jodie > Helen

Hazel Cills: Holly > Jodie > Helen. Wait am I doing this wrong?

Emily Alford: Hazel, we agree and are friends again.

Hazel Cills: No other way! Stony white women.

Ashley Reese: I’m gonna be honest.

Ashley Reese: Gun to my head, I wouldn’t be able to name ‘em.

Joan Summers: Same, Ashley.

Ashley Reese: NO OFFENSE

Hazel Cills: I’m really not offended. They’re all the same woman in a different font.

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To any co-workers reading this, I am also not offended, just now deeply concerned that my co-workers think I am also Alexis Fitts and Kelly Faircloth.

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DISCUSSION

smoothandcrunchy
SmoothAndCrunchy

The problem here is that the Jezebel staff is too young to have known Holly Hunter and Jodie Foster when they were young (in Foster’s case VERY young) actors making their mark in excellent films. Their confusion is clearly generational - they might as well be discussing Greta Garbo, Ingrid Bergman and Barbara Stanwyck.

Helen Hunt isn’t fit to kiss the hems of either Holly Hunter or Jodie Foster. While she was kind of cute in “Mad About You,” I never understood her appeal. The other two, however - talk about range!