Five years after the end of Jersey Shore, the reality show that unleashed Snooki, GTL, and DTF upon the world, the visionaries at MTV are getting the gang back together for an official reunion. It’s called Jersey Shore Family Vacation and it’s headed your way, whether you like it or not.
The news of this blessed reunion was announced during the premiere of Floribama Shore, the network’s latest attempt to recreate the magic of Jersey, but set in Panama City Beach, Florida, instead. Here’s a very brief promo/teaser featuring no actual information other than a vaguely ominous threat from the mouth of Snooki: “We’re back, bitchessssss,” she hisses. “Can’t fuckin’ waaaaait!”
This “reunion” isn’t the first attempt of its kind. Over the summer, E! gathered most of the cast, minus Ronnie, Vinny, and Deena, and threw them together in a van for a weird road trip at Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s request— a way of making amends now that he’s sober and no longer full of chemically-induced rage. For Jersey Shore Family Vacation, they managed to get just about everyone: Deena Nicole Cortese, Paul “Pauly D” Delvecchio,” Jenni “JWOWW” Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, Ronnie, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will all be joining, though Sammi is mysteriously absent.
It’s best not to parse why this is happening or why Sammi is missing. I’d like to think that she squinted at the caller ID when she got the call, listened to the voicemail, and then, tapping a manicured nail against the control board of the recording studio where she sat, put her headphones on, and greeted the listeners of her podcast, “Just Sayin’” with the confidence of a woman who made the right choice.