A hashtag like #poppedcherrydontmarry may seem like someone making an awful joke about olden times, but for some men’s right’s activists, “No Hymen No Diamond” has become a battle cry. And for a group of at least 1,000 on Facebook, it’s a way of life.
A post on the “No Hymen No Diamond” Facebook page tries to explain why women’s purity is so important. Spoiler alert: It’s all about dudes feeling special:
Women, even ugly ones, are easily able to have sex with almost any man they choose, some men will even pay for the privilege. When something is easily attainable, it is worth less.
If you’re wondering whether those same rules apply to men, you won’t be surprised to learn that they don’t. Nor will you be surprised to learn that the men espousing the views mentioned above have no idea how a hymen works or that not having one isn’t proof of anything except the fact that there’s no hymen.
The Daily Dot reports that the “no hymen” campaign seeks to remind men (and women) that purity is paramount in relationships. Well, the woman’s purity, at least. When it comes to men, they don’t hold themselves to such a high standard. But women...their numbers had better be low. And while this campaign is ridiculous, The Daily Dot points out that “both genders know that a woman’s number can matter” to the point that some will not be open about their sexual history in order to avoid being ostracized by potential partners.
“Some women admitted to me that they lie about their sexual history to avoid being judged and shamed,” Leora Tanenbaum, author of I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet, told the Daily Dot. “They are right to be concerned, since many men make relationship decisions based on the number of the woman they are interested in.”
One of the 55 women Tanenbaum interviewed for her book shared a story that illustrates particularly well the double standard inherent in the “no hymen, no diamond” mindset. “One 24-year-old woman told me that her boyfriend broke up with her because ‘he told me that I wasn’t girlfriend material because I had been with 10 guys,’” Tanenbaum recalled.
But then why are guys allowed to have as much sex as they want? And are so many men really that insecure that knowing their significant other has had sex with another man before them is a dealbreaker?
Fortunately, the men that believe in this rule have set such an unrealistic standard that ever being in a relationship might actually be impossible for them.
From The Daily Dot:
A spirited discussion on the subject took place earlier this year on the popularBodyBuilding.com discussion forum. The thread was accompanied by a poll with these two options: “no hymen, no diamond” or “I would marry the sloot.” Many in the forum agreed that a wife ought to be “pure” as possible, although some dissenters made the observation—albeit crudely— that finding a marriage-ready virgin is as likely as spotting the Loch Ness Monster.
“Good luck finding a girl in her late twenties that’s a virgin, is not batshit crazy, and is bangable,” one user commented. “You’re talking about the 0.00000001%. and what’s the hangup on girls who’ve dated 2-3 guys in her life? That’s normal. If you get a virgin, how would you know the sex won’t be like watching paint dry until it’s too late?”
Of course, some point out that men who openly think like this may be doing the women of the world a favor. As long as these guys are out there demanding to see a hymen—and pointing out that the Bible gives them the right to know whether a woman is a virgin (although they probably wear mixed fibers and eat meat on Fridays)—women aren’t going to be dating them. Win-win.
It seems like the men who are part of this movement have decided on these incredibly high and impossible standards to justify the fact that they’re still single without having to resort to taking a long hard look at their own problems or character flaws. Asking to see a woman’s hymen? That’s not macho and masculine—it’s just creepy.
Contact the author at email@example.com.