Mila Kunis Wears Sweatpants, Tears Hole in Space-Time Continuum

By Anna Breslaw | January 9, 2013 | 2:00pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

From the New York Post, the publication which just two days ago brought us the epic tale of Lena Dunham’s “sloppy backside,” we now have a full-fledged attack on Mila Kunis’ choice of loungewear when she steps out for a coffee or whatever:

Sexiest? More like schlubbiest woman alive.

BAZZOW. Mic drop. Dorothy Parker is obviously alive and well, people.

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Kunis is rarely spotted these days in anything except dumpy, frumpy gym wear.
Apparently at chez Kunis, it’s laundry day everyday… “I love her, and though I can certainly relate to her craving for comfort, there really is a better way to do it,” says Mary Kate Steinmiller, senior fashion market editor at Teen Vogue.

Oh, well, if Mary Kate Steinmiller thinks so! And I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Kunis may be undermining Mary Kate Steinmiller’s livelihood by showing impressionable fourteen-year-old-girls that they don’t necessarily have to wear $300 stiletto heels to go to 7-11.

Unlike other Hollywood A-listers Gwen Stefani, Jessica Chastain and Jessica Alba with street style to match their flawless red-carpet looks, Kunis insists on dressing like an unwashed teenage boy… She’s a Golden Globe-nominated actress for “Black Swan,” not a member of Justin Bieber’s entourage.

Yeah, BE MORE LIKE JESSICA CHASTAIN, you useless tracksuit-wearing boner-wilter. Jeeeeeeeesus. [NYDN]

Christians are in a tizzy about Neil Patrick Harris’ Super Bowl ad, which features the How I Met Your Mother actor with Tim Tebow-esque lettering in his eye black to advertise the date of the event. (Tebow uses it for Bible verses.) “CBS, the television network airing the big game this year, is now using an outspoken homosexual actor to mimic Tim Tebow’s style of trumpeting messages in eyeblack on his face… One football fan who watched the CBS promo Sunday made the connection between Harris and Tebow, saying, ‘They’re pushing a gay agenda by using him, and they’re mocking Christians at the same time.'” Or they’re advertising the Superbowl. [Radar Online]

It has been confirmed that noted sex idiot Ryan Lochte will be dropping a fashion line on all of us right on the heels of his just-announced reality show on E! called What Would Ryan Lochte Do? (The answer, among many, is “Swim!” and “Not learn to read good.”) His line will feature “shoes” and “glitzy accessories.” [Entertainmentwise]

Beyoncé, Kelly Clarkson and James Taylor, the former reprising her 2009 gig at the same event, will perform at President Obama’s second inauguration on January 21st. Yoncy will perform the National Anthem, Clarkson will sing “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee” and hopefully borrow Aretha Franklin’s hat, Taylor will perform “America the Beautiful,” and perhaps Ryan Lochte will play his abs like a xylophone because dude seems to have his hand in everything these days. [People]

Once upon a time, a man named John Mayer was unable to commit. And then a fairy named Katy Perry came along and sprayed some magic Cool Whip from her brassiere on him, and now they’re moving in together. A source says: “John is really into architecture and wants to create a ‘sanctuary’ for himself and Katy.” Haha, it feels so John Mayerish to be “really into architecture.” [Hollywood Life]

“Harry Styles Develops a Taste for Clam,” incredibly, is not a euphemism. [TMZ]
Kim Kardashian continues to try to ditch her micro-husband (72 days!) Kris Humphries. [TMZ]
Kimye is “babymooning” (stop trying to make “baby mooning” happen, People Magazine, it’s not going to happen) in Paris. [People]
Puddle of Mudd’s Wes Scantlin got divorced, and she probably… wait for it… fuckin’ hates him. YUP. [TMZ]
A vintage photo of Dina Lohan’s black eye from Michael Lohan. [Entertainment Tonight]
Katt Williams got arrested again for skipping a court date. Did he switch bodies with Lindsay Lohan? Wouldn’t that be the best Freaky Friday 2 EVER? Because Jamie Lee Curtis is too busy doing commercials for yogurt that makes your BMs regular? [TMZ]
Emily Blunt wore a classy beige dress that will almost make you forget she was in a movie ridiculously titled Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. [Daily Mail]
“Harry felt Taylor was nagging him, quizzing him on his intentions with various women and generally having very little faith in him.” [Marie Claire UK]
Apparently, to be fair, the words she threw at him that allegedly broke the camel’s back were pretty obnoxious: “You’re lucky to even be with me!” [Entertainmentwise]
In the first pictures since their split, Tay-Tay has a Mona Lisa smile. [Mirror UK]
Now that she’s got mad time on her hands, Tina Fey might be in the Muppets sequel. [Entertainment Weekly]
Blake Lively was “doing something with her phone” on a date with husband Ryan Reynolds. (“Gossip Girl here. Help, my lips are stuck this way! XOXO.”) [People]
George Clooney, Stacy Keibler, Rande Gerber and (Gerber’s wife) Cindy Crawford are making a “one-minute short film” for Clooney and Gerber’s new tequila label that would absolutely be called a “commercial” if they were Muggles. [Page Six]
The New York Post on Charlie Sheen’s girlfriend Georgia Jones’ porn career, kickstarted by greaseball Joe Francis: “[Jones] has been nominated for four Adult Video News Awards, including best all-girl group sex scene for something oddly called Party of Feet.” [Page Six]
This season’s Bachelor, Sean Lowe, is a “born-again virgin” and apparently we’re in for the least sexual season ever. So just, like, ABC’s Fake People In a House. [NYDN]
During some on-court trash talking, NBA star Kevin Garnett told other NBA star Carmelo Anthony that “[his] wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios,” and I gotta say: gross, but props for the specificity. [Radar Online]
Pregnant, naked Holly Madison. I forget why she’s famous. Why is she famous again? Oh yeah, because everything is terrible. [Radar Online]
By the way, you guys, I made a Twitter last night/am now a human, so please follow me @annabreslaw for more jokes about Activia.