Eight months after David Werking initially won a lawsuit against his parents, a US district judge has ordered them to pay over $30,000 to Werking for throwing out a fuckton of his porn along with an additional $14,000 for his attorneys. Hopefully, this puts that age-old legal question: “May a parent throw away 12 boxes of a creepy 43-year-old man’s porn if he abandons it in a basement?” to bed once and for all.
In a ruling last December, Judge Paul Maloney said, “There is no question that the destroyed property was David’s property. Defendants repeatedly admitted that they destroyed the property.” And while one can’t put a value on the mental anguish this man must have suffered at having his parents trash his Fleshlight Freaks Alien dildo after entrusting its safe storage to his unwitting parents, Maloney has ruled that $30 grand should at least be able to begin the collection afresh.
And, sure, fair. But there is so much more to this story, according to court documents. An email sent to Werking by his father indicates the parents agreed to let their son move in on the condition that he would not bring one box of pornography into their home, much less the 12 that he left, containing videos, such as Old Grannies, Young Panties 3, DVDs, toys, and, apparently according to the documents, a TI-83 calculator. Then, upon asking said son to leave their house, were expected to find a way to transport those 12 boxes of pornography and one graphing calculator to their son upon his move to Indiana.
“We allowed you to move your possessions into our basement but, before they left California, I made it very clear that I did not want any pornography in my house,” Werking’s father wrote in an email. “Silly me, I thought that you might have one box, or possibly two boxes, of the stuff and I expected you to throw it out or leave it behind. When your stuff arrived and you moved it all down to the basement before Mom and I had a chance to look at it, I asked you point blank if there was any pornography in those boxes and you said simply, “No.” I gave you the benefit of a doubt and took your word for it.”
Silly him indeed because according to an expert brought in by the defense, those lost treasures, including Pissing Passion, Granny’s Gone Anal, Volumes 1-6, and Battle of the Glands, to name just a few more of these lost treasures, were worth the price of a nice sedan. If there’s anything to be gleaned from a tragedy on par with the lost library at Alexandria, it’s that if a divorced 40-something-year-old needs shelter for himself and his 12 mysterious boxes, there are absolutely extended-stay motels for that.