Merry Christmas, What Are Satan's Teenage Witches Up To?

Image via TV Guide.
Image via TV Guide.

The concept art for the Sabrina the Teenage Witch reboot, the psychological thriller sequel to the Blair Witch Project, is out. What zany capers is our favorite teenage witch getting into now?


From the image above, predictions: Satan’s bidding. Flaying the testicles of mortals and roasting them over hellfire. Sacrificing the demon Libby Chesler; conjuring Libby Chesler from the dead. Teen stuff! Actions not fit for CW, only Netflix.

As previously reported, the coven at Archie Comics and Warner Brothers models the reboot (titled Chilling Adventures of Sabrina) after the 2014 Archie Comics “Sabrina” series (a spinoff of the 1960s series), “tonally in the vein of horror classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist.” That is tonally consistent with the new character descriptions published this week on That Hashtag Show:

NEW: [SABRINA SPELLMAN]Female, Open ethnicity, legal 18 or 18+ to play 16. Sabrina is an empowered young woman, half-human, half-witch, struggling to reconcile her dual natures. She is just beginning her dark education as a sorceress, even as she tries to maintain some semblance of a normal life as a sophomore at Baxter High. Sabrina’s intelligent, compassionate, and brave to the point of recklessness. She challenges witch-doctrine at every turn. She is fiercely loyal to her family and friends; wickedly funny; and in the middle of a star-crossed romance with her classmate Harvey Kinkle. Sabrina is all that stands between us and the Forces of Darkness that threaten our world. SERIES LEAD.

Zelda’s “devotion to the Dark Lord is all-consuming” and makes “spite jars” while the softer Hilda’s “nurturing nature belies a more ruthless side.” We also have a new character, Sabrina’s pansexual necromancer cousin, which promises comedy as they will all live in a mortuary, in all seriousness.

P.S., Harvey DIES.

Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo



Where’s Salem tho